Strange Attraction
by RoadrunnerGER
Summary: Kathy and Elliot are trying to save their marriage, but he has a secret. Can his best friend convince him to come clean? Can his wife forgive him for the one night he found comfort and companionship in another's bed? EO friendship. EK marriage. E? slash
1. Worries

**Strange Attraction**

Law & Order: SVU 

by RoadrunnerGER

_Disclaimer_: I don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

A/N: This was boiling on small flame somewhere in the back of my mind for weeks, no, months now. LOL I don't know where it came from, but suddenly it was written and a friend who read it on messenger liked it, so here it is.

In case that you know my other works and are wondering why I suddenly write slash, please think of one fact: I'm not shipping for the ship's sake. My stories are about character exploration. :D Have fun… and please review.

**1**

**Worries**

She found him in the crib, lying on his back on the bottom bunk. Often she had thought that she saw her partner brooding, but the expression he wore now indicated a hell of a lot of brooding and it was annoying her.

"What's wrong with you?" Olivia asked. "You've been in a bad mood the whole day… the whole night and yesterday, too."

He did not answer her but turned his head to the side, away from her.

"I thought you'd be home with your family after this God awful weekend."

They had been called out to a quite ugly rape homicide and kidnapping and had been up since they were called in on Saturday noon. Elliot would have met his kids if he did not have to work. So she assumed he would go to them as soon as they were off duty.

"Yeah, I thought I'd drive home, but then I decided that I should get some rest first," he finally mumbled.

"Do you want to talk?" she offered.

Elliot shook his head.

"You know, it won't get better by itself."

"I know." He spoke so softly that she could hardly hear him.

"I guess that your kids are waiting for you," Olivia said.

Elliot grimaced. "They'll be home with Kathy now."

"And…?"

"And what?"

"And you don't want to meet Kathy?" Olivia pushed.

"I didn't say that."

"But you thought it," she said, refusing to let him off the hook. Still he did not answer. "You said you'd been trying to fix things with her."

"Hm hmm…"

"And you don't want to meet her because something happened you don't want to talk with her about," Olivia guessed.

He frowned deeply and chewed on his lower lip. His whole body tensed.

_What can be that bad?_ Olivia wondered. "This has been tormenting you for days. It can only get better if we talk about it. Or maybe you better talk with Kathy."

Still he grimaced, thinking hard about what to do. _Actually it's been tormenting me a lot longer._ Minutes passed, but Olivia knew better than to ask again.

"That Friday night, after we wrapped up the Nichols case…?" he suddenly said. "I didn't drive home directly, but stopped at a bar…"

_The Nichols case?_ Olivia was stunned. _That was last week!_ This time she did not push. He was about to tell her what was torturing his mind and she did not want to ruin the moment.

"I just wanted to be alone for a moment and to have a drink, but then… I wasn't drinking alone."

Desperately Olivia tried to hide her surprise. Now she had an idea of what he was about to confess. She managed to keep her expression calm and settled down on another bed to listen to his story.

Little did she know…


	2. Pool

**Strange Attraction**

Law & Order: SVU 

by RoadrunnerGER

_Disclaimer_: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. This chapter is for _Sweet-4-Stabler_ (one of your guesses is right…LOL) and for my beta reader. :D

**2**

**P****ool**

Elliot sat at the bar with a double shot of whiskey sitting in front of him. The case he had just closed reminded him of his burdened relationship with Kathy. They had decided to try and reconcile, and no one had expected that to be easy, but actually it was more difficult than they both thought.

Kathy was talking about getting professional help. Elliot eyed that skeptically, but he was willing to try if that could help them. So they went to see a counselor who could not really help them. And then Kathy insisted on him signing the divorce papers he had had at home for months now. The void he felt when he gave her the documents back, knowing where she would take them, left his soul mutilated. How he made it through the last days he could not say. All he knew was that he buried his pain more or less successfully with work.

"Had a bad day?" someone on his left side said. When Elliot turned his head he looked into the intense green eyes of Mike Logan.

"Oh, hey, Logan," he replied, looking down into his glass again.

"Trouble on the job?" Mike tried again.

"Trouble in general," Elliot replied. He did not intend to talk with the Major Case detective about his problems, no matter if they were private or work related.

"C'mon, I'll buy you a drink."

"Actually this one was supposed to be my only drink, but thanks," Elliot refused.

"Okay." Mike did not sound disappointed. He sipped at his own drink and joined Elliot in silence. "Well," he then broke it again, "let's shoot some pool. My treat. Whatever your troubles are, it might help you forget them."

Elliot just thought for a moment. No one was waiting at home so, why not.

"Maybe one game," he agreed, downing his scotch. He slid from his barstool and followed Mike to the only free pool table in the far corner.

Mike set the balls and handed Elliot a cue.

"You start," he said, gesturing to the table.

So Elliot bowed over the green cloth and aimed for the cue ball. It shot towards the triangle, hit the balls and spread them. One striped dropped into a corner pocket.

"Great shot," Mike praised.

Elliot looked over the balls to choose one for the next shot. Finally he aimed for one lying close to a side pocket. He sank this one, too, but missed the third.

"I was starting to think you wanted to play alone," Mike teased, trying to decide which ball to play. He sank his first, but sent the eight ball dangerously close to a pocket.

"Phew!" Mike chuckled. "That was close." Once more he let his gaze wander over the table before he bowed to aim. It was a tough shot, but one he had made many times before.

Elliot grinned skeptically. "If you can sink that shot, I'll buy you a drink," he challenged.

"And if I don't?" Mike replied

Elliot shrugged. "You buy me one."

"I thought you were done drinking."

Elliot shrugged again. He should stop, hang around until he was sure he was okay to drive, but he did not feel like being the good boy anymore, and he could always take a cab.

"I changed my mind," he declared.

Mike grinned and aimed for his shot… and missed.

"Dammit!" But he grinned. "Looks as if it's starting out well for you."

"Yeah, looks like that."

About three hours later Elliot found himself on Mike's sofa. They had played several times and both drank a lot. Elliot felt comfortably drunk. He was not so drunk that he would walk in wiggly lines, but drunk enough that he should not drive anymore.

How he got to Mike's home he did not really know. They were laughing and talking and then they settled down in his living room.

_It's a nice room,_ he noticed, looking around. _I wouldn't have thought that Mike's that widely read,_ he thought, taking in the stuffed shelves and a small smile touched his lips.

_Oh, that smile. _Logan felt a chill run down his spine. _I wish he'd smile at _me_ that way._

But he was quite sure that that would not happen.

_Oh my, when he bowed over the table to shoot and I got a look at that ass... Those firm, round cheeks are… yummy!_ Inwardly he chuckled. _I'm afraid that Elliot would get scared if he knew what I'm thinking about. But these are nice thoughts. Too bad that I won't get an opportunity to make them come true._

Mike was not gay, but sometimes he appreciated the close company of a man… and he also knew how to enjoy males.

"You've made yourself a nice home," Elliot said, accepting a drink from Mike. He sipped at it and put it down on the coffee table. "Good stuff, too."

"Thanks," Mike replied. "That's why I took the long way to work for ten years. I didn't want to give this apartment up. And the _stuff_ is 18 years old."

_I knew he would like it. _Mike smirked. He saved this single malt for special occasions. To enjoy it with a new friend definitely was a special occasion.

_Now I gotta find out if and how I can get to that ass. _Mike bit the inside of his cheeks. _I can't just ask him. Damn! Most likely it won't happen at all. But that's okay, too._

He returned to the easy chair he had been sitting in and plopped down into the pillows.

"I see that you've got a lot of CDs, too," Elliot said.

"Yeah!" Mike chuckled. "Lots of music. Actually I don't really know what I got there."

"Can I…?"

"Have a look at them? Sure."

His eyes followed Elliot when the SVU detective got up and strolled over to the shelf with the music CDs. When he squatted down to examine the collection, Mike could not help but stare at his ass again.

_Why the hell does he look so damned sexy?_, he wondered. _It's not only his ass. His whole body is… and those eyes. I seldom have seen such sparkling__sapphire eyes._

Elliot was oblivious of what was going on in Mike's mind. He just had eyes for his music collection.

"Oh, this one looks good," he said. "Can I play it?"

"Sure," Mike agreed. With the remote on the coffee table he turned the entertainment system on and opened the CD player. It slid closed again and soft jazz filled the room.

"I like Cab Calloway." Elliot smiled at Mike. "I don't have this one. Could I borrow it?"

"We don't see each other so often… hmmm… I could burn it if you like."

"That would be great." Now his smile changed to a grin. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Mike grinned back. _Oh my. Let me kiss you?_ To keep himself from repeating that thought aloud, he sipped at his scotch.

"You know what?" Elliot suddenly said, grinning even wider. "I could do with pizza."

Mike laughed. "Yeah, pizza would be great!" _And you'll be the dessert._

He grabbed for his phone and half an hour later two big, cheesy tuna Hawaii pizza arrived. They settled down at the coffee table again and ate pizza to the music of Count Basie.

"I'm full," Mike declared after six slices. "I'm done."

"Do you mind?" Elliot asked, squinting at Mike's remaining slices.

"No! Go on, take them." He watched him eat. "Where the hell are you putting all that food?" Mike asked. "And Barek says_ I_ have a hollow leg."

Elliot laughed with him. "Olivia teases me with that, too!"

Once he was finished Mike grabbed the pizza boxes to bring them out into the kitchen, but he tripped over something, lost his balance and then everything that he was carrying. It fell into Elliot's lap and stained his jacket and pants.

"Shit!" Mike tried to grab it, but it was too late.

"Oh no!" Elliot was not happy, but it was not the end of the world either. He tried to get up to go to the bathroom, but Mike was already trying to clean the mess away with one of the napkins that had come with their meal.

"I'm sorry," Mike muttered. "Oh my, I'll pay for the cleaning if we can't get it out, okay."

"Don't sweat it! That won't be necessary." Elliot pushed him aside to get up. "I just need to wash it out right now."

"Okay. I'll get you a pair of my pants," Mike offered and hurried to the bedroom to get one while Elliot vanished into the bathroom.

_Well, I really didn't mean for that to happen,_ Mike thought,_ but now I have the perfect excuse to get him out of his clothes._


	3. Explanations

**Strange Attraction**

Law & Order: SVU 

by RoadrunnerGER

_Disclaimer_: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. :D

**3**

**Explanations**

"And when he wanted to take what was left out into the kitchen he dumped them all over me and stained my jacket and pants."

"Sounds as if you had a nice evening, except for that," Olivia said.

"Yeah, I guess we did," Elliot mumbled. His cheeks took on a shade of red. "You know that I really love Kathy, right?"

"Yes, El, I know that," she followed his leap of mind. "Have you told her that lately?"

"Of course I have."

For a moment he remained silent.

"I really hope that we can make it work out again," he finally admitted. "I'm just not so sure anymore if I can…" His voice trailed off.

"You can what, El?"

"It's so damned difficult," he whined. "We both were hurt and I don't know where and how to start again."

"With love, Elliot," she said, smiling. "With love and honesty. You have to talk with each other, and when Kathy thinks that a counselor might be good for the both of you, you should give it a try."

"I'm not talking about that counselor. I put up with seeing a counselor. It's… I don't know… sins."

"Sins?" Now Olivia was confused.

"I was unfaithful," he admitted, speaking so lowly again, that she almost missed these three words.

"You were separated for so long. Elliot, you are divorced. Even if it has been only a few days now. Even if you were trying to work out your difficulties, maybe even to get back together, it's perfectly okay to see someone else."

He was chewing his lower lip, grimacing. Finally he replied, "Actually, she never turned in the papers."

Olivia was stunned. After what little he had let on in their talks she had assumed that Kathy carried the divorce papers to court as soon as he signed them after such a long time.

"Did you know that?" she asked, still sounding a bit surprised.

Elliot sniffed.

"Well, not at the time," he said. "I hadn't gotten the official decree, but it was too soon after I gave her the documents anyway." Intently he stared at Olivia. "But not knowing doesn't make a difference."

"It does." She chuckled. "You thought you'd be single. To be single means that you're free to do whatever you like."

"Olivia. I can't forgive myself. How can I expect Kathy to forgive me?"

"Is there something to forgive?" she asked, searching for his gaze and holding it. Then he stared at the underside of the top bunk again. Olivia could not suppress a smirk. He reminded her of a school boy, insecure about his first encounters with the opposite sex.

_It's kind of cute… considering that we have to deal with all kinds of sex related crimes day in and day out. Even if we don't like that nickname, Special Victims Unit is called _sex crimes_ for a reason._

"C'mon, Elliot," she pushed. "Spit it out."

He shook his head fervently.

"Why are you so upset, hm?" she queried. "You're certainly not the first man who ever had a one-night stand. So Mike dropped the pizza remains on you, you washed it out, left… you should go on now with the part where you met the woman." She smiled encouragingly.

"I didn't…" Elliot was puzzled. _She completely misunderstood! She didn't get that I was talking about Mike all the time!_ "Um… actually, I never left…"

This time incredulity reigned in her features.

Elliot returned her stare and got the feeling that she still did not realize that he was talking about their Major Case colleague. He started to defend himself but trailed off again. "I mean, I…"

Whatever it was, it was clearly tormenting him. Olivia could not believe it. She watched her partner for a few silent moments, and then it struck her.

"Was it your first time?" she asked.

His dumbfounded look when he now craned his neck to stare at her was priceless.

"Was it your first time with someone other than Kathy?"

_Does she still think that I was with another woman?_ Elliot became scared. _Is she rejecting the truth subconsciously? If she is, how can I just go on and tell her? _But he felt that he had to get rid of it somehow.

_Who could I tell if not my best friend? Olivia is my best friend…_

Olivia never would have expected him to turn as crimson as he did now and she could not suppress a low chuckle.

_Oh, Lord! She's laughing at me!_ And he reddened even more. _What will you think of me?_

"You're cute when you're embarrassed," she teased.

This comment eased his fears a bit. _This is Olivia! I can trust her._

Still Elliot's features crumpled. He remembered how someone else had said exactly that to him, leading to something he would never forget, even if he would become as old as the mountains.

tbc…


	4. Advances

**Strange Attraction**

Law & Order: SVU 

by RoadrunnerGER

_Disclaimer_: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. :D And thanks for the favorites, this chapter's for you. :)

**4**

**Advances**

"I'm really sorry, believe me," Mike said for the umpteenth time… and he meant more than just the mess with the pizza sauce. So far Elliot had not noticed anything by his behavior and Mike still was not sure what he could expect from him. Actually he was convinced that Elliot was straight. But he also knew from experience that that did not necessarily mean the man would never have intercourse with another male.

"Oh, c'mon, Mikey!" Elliot complained, also for the umpteenth time. "Just forget it."

"I'll try," Mike grinned. _Damn! If he just didn't have to look so incredibly sexy!_

Mike could only try not to stare at him too directly. Right now Elliot was in his briefs, trying to clean his pants. So Mike forced himself to turn and go to fetch him a fresh pair of trousers. On his way back he just rounded the corner when Elliot was about to leave the bathroom. They crashed into each other in the narrow doorway.

"Ouch!" Elliot hissed, because he had hit the frame with his elbow.

When they straightened up again, Mike took Elliot's forearm and lifted it to have a look at the damaged joint.

"Nothing serious," he smirked. He held his colleague's arm for a few seconds more before he let go. Doing that his fingers brushed over the inside of Elliot's forearm and tickled him. Elliot shuddered.

That was when he looked up at Mike. Something had been different with that touch, but he could not tell what it was.

When his gaze met the emerald green eyes of the other Irish cop, it sent chills down his spine. What he saw flickering in them was something he would not have expected. Longing.

_I must be mistaken,_ Elliot thought. _That's ridiculous. I'm interpreting it wrong._

What happened next he could not push aside as misinterpretation. Still holding Elliot's gaze Mike used the middle finger of his left hand to trail along the contours of Elliot's U.S. Marine Corps tattoo.

"Mikey, what the hell are you doing?" Elliot was not angry, just confused.

Mike could read that in his features… and continued to caress Elliot's forearm, never breaking eye-contact. Brushing lightly over it like a feather, his fingers moved up and down again, tickling on the inside of the arm.

_What the hell…?_

Still Elliot did not know what to make of it. Actually he knew, but he was not ready to accept the fact that Mike was really caressing him. _That can't be! Why would he do that?_

His disputing feelings did not make it easier to decide how to react. One part of him wanted to retreat, the other wanted to hit Mike… and a third part felt a shudder of excitement passing his body. This added to his confusion so that he did not even flinch back when Mike raised his hand to cup his left cheek.

"You have stunning eyes," he said, smoothing his thumb over Elliot's cheek, feeling the first hints of stubble.

Elliot's breath caught in his chest. His mind told him that what Mike was doing was wrong, but he could not avoid his touch… and to his even bigger surprise he did not want to get away from him. What Mike was doing felt really good, but what exactly was he doing? What did he intend to do?

While he had known for all of his life that he was straight, he now was confronted with some strange attraction. _What the hell is happening? I prefer women! Why am I reacting like this?_

Mike was playing with Elliot's earlobe and reveled in the fact that he just stood and granted him the contact. _How far can I go? I don't want to ruin it. He still isn't moving… But _why_ doesn't he pull away? I can't just assume that he's willing. Maybe he's just frozen with shock._

He had to find it out somehow, but did not dare to ask.

_Those sapphire eyes! Hmmm… they make him look so good! And so do his lips._

Softly he let his hand slide over Elliot's cheek, closer to the chin, and let his thumb run over his soft lips. _How I want to…_ And he just bent over to breathe a soft kiss on Elliot's mouth. Then he backed off, getting some distance between them.

Elliot stood, gasping for breath. His confusion was intensified by the stroke of lightning hitting his lips and running through his whole body. As a side-effect he felt perfectly sober again.

"Why did you do that?" he wanted to know.

"I just felt like doing it," Mike replied, eyeing him closely and trying to read what he was thinking.

"Why?"

Mike shrugged. "They looked so inviting," he smirked. "I couldn't resist them, perfect as they are."

Elliot frowned, but at the same time he noticed quite astonished that he felt like trying it again. He lost himself in the clear green eyes and just stood, feeling how his body slowly started to shiver.

_Time to make the next move?_ Mike wondered.

But he waited.

tbc…


	5. Doubts

**Strange Attraction**

Law & Order: SVU 

by RoadrunnerGER

_Disclaimer_: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. :D Yes, I'll keep going. LOL I just read something that made me think about this story and I decided to change a few small things. I think it's better now. Please let me know… ;) Enjoy!

**5**

**Doubts**

They stood for several minutes and just looked at each other. Mike was patient. He knew that he had to wait. If he had a chance, then he had just one try. One wrong move and Elliot would shut down, tell him off… or beat him up.

"I'm not gay," Elliot finally said.

"Neither am I," Mike replied.

"So what the hell was that?"

"Hmmm… as far as I know it's called a kiss," Mike chuckled.

Elliot frowned. "I know that… but why did you kiss me?"

"I already told you that I just felt like doing it." Mike strolled to the coffee table to pick up his whiskey. He glanced at Elliot who was still standing in the door, tense, a shade of red on his cheeks and uncomfortably shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Mike smiled at his scotch. _He's still trying to process what just happened. I guess I can be glad that he didn't just lash out at me._

Glancing at Elliot once more Mike said, "You're cute when you're embarrassed."

_So? Am I? __Cute?_ Elliot was still confused. "I don't get that. If you're not gay, why would you want to kiss me?"

Mike tilted his head to the side and smirked. "And I thought you worked sex crimes…"

"Um…" _He's right. Oh my, he has me really confused._

"Well, I prefer women, but the keyword is _prefer_. Sometimes I like to enjoy men… if I get the opportunity. Hmm… I guess people would describe me as bisexual with a preference for women." _And I guess, too, that__ there goes__ my chance. Dammit!_ "I have the pants there," he gestured at the chair he had thrown them over.

Elliot glanced at them but did not move. Suddenly he was acutely aware of the fact that he was just in his briefs and shirt and blushed dark crimson.

Even as Mike deliberately looked away from him, he felt the tension build between them. Mike could not stand it for long, so his gaze drifted back to rest on Elliot who noticed it at once this time. Frowning he returned the stare. Now he could see that a small smile touched Mike's lips.

_He seems to enjoy what he's seeing,_ Elliot thought. _I can read the signs… why didn't I notice it earlier?_ Surprised but with terrifying clarity he noticed that, now that he paid attention to Mike's features to read him, he also recognized appealing aspects. _Such as his green eyes that still are looking me over, trying to decide how to hit on me…_

A shudder washed over him. Rage fought against confusion, revulsion against attraction.

_Attraction?!_

Elliot swallowed when this thought crossed his mind.

_But he did not try to take advantage of the situation. He showed his interest and backed off._ Elliot swallowed. _He showed his interest. He is interested in me! Sexually!_ A chill ran down his back.

"Before you ask… the pizza mess was an accident. I did not deliberately drop it to get you out of your clothes." Mike chuckled. "Even though I have to admit that it has its merits."

Watching Elliot while he tried to figure out what was going on with him was exciting… and even without the perplexed look, just the sight of him was breathtaking. _Those muscles. How I wish I could touch them_

The way Mike raised his eyebrow over his smirk struck a chord in Elliot, who shivered as he felt the sudden flash of attraction. _What the hell!?_

Once more he stared at the pants, but he could not make the two steps he would need to reach them. Instead he was captivated by the stunning green eyes of his fellow detective.

"Why me?" he croaked.

Mike laughed long and loud, leaving Elliot embarrassed. When Mike finally was able to speak again, he just said, "You really have no idea just how gorgeous you are, do you?"

Elliot did not think he could turn any redder, but he certainly felt the heat as even more blood rushed into his cheeks, and he had to turn away.

"You're gorgeous… and really cute when you're embarrassed." Mike sounded completely honest and innocent. Sipping at his scotch again, he glanced over the rim of the glass at Elliot, who still had not moved… and did not appear as if he was about to move any time soon.

"You okay?" Mike asked.

Elliot shrugged. He did not know if he was okay. Right now he did not know anything, least of all what he should do now. While his mind told him to grab the pants and get the hell out of here, his body was reacting quite differently to Mike's signals.

"I bet you've broken several hearts, male and female, over the years."

When Elliot still could not make eye contact several minutes after the blush had faded, Mike wondered aloud, "What the hell happened to you to make you think so little of yourself?"

Now Elliot looked up and pierced him with a sapphire glare. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Mike silently cursed his careless tongue. He had only wanted to have fun, not initiate a deep psychological probe that left Elliot feeling vulnerable and exposed. The guy had already taken a hell of a big risk tonight just by letting himself be kissed… even if that had happened by surprise. Still, the question begged an answer, so he tried to keep his tone gentle as he replied.

"That swagger, the way you carry yourself, the confidence you show, it makes people admire you, trust you, and want to be close to you. And by _people_, I mean women _and men_, platonically and, well, not so platonically, obviously." He took a deep breath. _Please let me do this right…_ "For you to be so… oblivious to that, I can only imagine that somewhere along the line, someone whose opinion mattered to you made you feel worthless."

"Look, Mike…" Elliot began hesitantly, but Mike cut him off.

"Hey, relax. It's none of my business." Mike kept an eye on him. He wanted to say more but was not sure how his colleague would take it right now. _Well, what's the worst that can happen? I suppose he could explode at me. I'll be lucky if he talks with me at all the next time we meet, so I can just say it, can't I?_ He took another deep breath and went on, "I've probably said too much already, but I think you should know, you're entitled to have a higher opinion of yourself than what you seem to. Besides being ravishingly sexy, you're a pretty good cop, and a really nice guy."

Somewhere deep inside of Elliot these words touched a nerve. Instinctively Mike had addressed his worst memories and fears. He had not gotten many compliments when he was younger, at least not from anyone who mattered, and the few times that he did, if he managed to feel too proud of himself, he was cruelly cut down again. So he had learned to be very self-controlled and contained, but the older he got, the harder it was to keep everything in. Whenever he allowed his emotions to rule his actions he started to worry that someone would shame him… and being scared made him angry.

_I must have been scared a lot over the past couple of years to have developed such a reputation as a hot head,_ he suddenly realized.

Still he frowned at Mike, unsure of what to think, what to do. He knew, now at the latest, he should just grab his stuff and leave, but something held him back.

"Y… you think I'm sexy?" The words were out before he even realized that he was speaking.

Mike could not hide his smirk. Elliot's incredulity just made him even more inviting… and challenging. So far he had been interested, now he felt an aching determination. "Yeeeaah, I do."

Elliot blushed again, adorably, and Mike took a perverse delight in being able to make him turn red so easily. It was much more attractive than some of the arrogant jerks he knew who _expected_ people to admire them and that only encouraged him further.

Mike watched him and wondered if he might get a second chance. Insecurity and hesitation were still written in Elliot's features.

_If I don't take the initiative, nobody will…_

So Mike slowly put down his drink on the coffee table. Equally slowly he approached Elliot.

_What?!_ Elliot was frozen in place. He heard his own blood rush in his ears but could not move. _Do I want to move? That's wrong! But still… why do I feel so attracted? He's _male_, for God's sake! Is it what he said? What he's doing?_ He saw him bridge the distance between them and glanced at the pants. Then his gaze was directed on Mike again. He was barely one foot away now.

When Elliot did not flinch back from him, Mike raised his right arm to reach out for him, but he did not touch him right away. Elliot had lowered his gaze and Mike was not certain what to do now. So he held his hand about an inch away from Elliot's neck. How he yearned to caress him! Elliot stood, breathing hard, his lips slightly parted. _How I yearn to kiss them,_ Mike thought. _But I should not risk it right now._ So he just held his position, studying Elliot's features.

"Don't pass out on me," he gently teased.

That made Elliot look up. Mike was not that wrong with his remark. Actually he felt a bit dizzy when Mike now laid his hand on his neck, gently caressing it. He gasped.

Mike did not hold the contact for long. He just wanted to tease Elliot a bit. Then he took his fellow detective's right wrist and raised the arm… to lay the palm on his own chest.

Still Elliot could not move, even if he would have wanted to. Through the shirt he felt Mike's strong chest rise and fall… and the hard nipple tickled his palm, sending strange sensations through his entire body.


	6. Attraction

**Strange Attraction**

Law & Order: SVU 

by RoadrunnerGER

_Disclaimer_: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. :D Welcome _Charlanka_. Thanks for the nice mails, too. _Happy Halloween_ to everyone!

**6**

**Attraction**

Elliot's confusion increased as a tickling sensation spread from his hand up his arm and through his body.

_Oh, man! I can't believe this!_

When Mike covered his hand with his own, Elliot felt the electrons in his body run wild. It became worse when Mike started to caress his forearm.

As Mike observed his colleague's reactions he noticed even the tiny reactions like the almost imperceptible twitches of his hand between his own and his chest.

"H…have you ever…?" Elliot whispered barely audible.

Mike smiled encouragingly and completed his query, "Slept with another guy?"

Elliot could not answer, but the question clearly stood in his sapphire eyes.

"Sure," Mike answered easily. "It's been quite a while, but yeah." Some more observations provoked him to ask, "Have I made you curious?"

Elliot tensed up at once.

"Mike! No!" he gasped. "That's just wrong! It's a sin!"

"I'm Catholic, too, you know…" Mike grinned.

Elliot did not think that that was funny. "Don't joke about faith," he spat. _Why the hell doesn't that sound convincing?_

"I'm not joking. Just… what's your body telling you?"

That was a good question. Poor Elliot could not deny that he reacted to Mike, he reacted to his caresses. _Caresses! He's caressing me!_ Elliot's insides knotted up hard.

"And your heart?" Mike added.

_Don't ask such questions!_ Elliot screamed inwardly.

In the meantime Mike was continuing stroking up his arm, tickling and teasing his skin, until his hand rested on the back of his shoulder.

While doing that Mike observed his partner and tried to study his reactions. Elliot's gaze went right past Mike, over his shoulder into nothingness. The lips were slightly parted and his breaths came low and somewhat erratic while his play of features changed with every inch Mike's hand moved.

_Well, he isn't trying to back away from me and he hasn't slugged me. I guess that's a good sign._ Becoming more courageous by this observation, Mike let go of Elliot's hand on his chest and searched for his other hand. He lightly brushed his fingers over its back. Then he gently tugged on the wrist, finally took and very slowly moved the arm to place the hand on his hip.

Elliot gasped. Mike did not hold but rather guide him. Now he felt Mike's other hand on his waist. Both thumbs gently caressed his shoulder and back, but that was all. Well, it was all that Mike did, but not all that it caused. The chills that spread from where Mike touched him were languorous ones. Deep down in Elliot's guts fear of his own reactions formed. He was surprised that he actually was able to enjoy the intimate contact of another man… and that scared him.

_Usually I would have hit him. I would have hit him hard. What's so different now? And I can't say that I'm too drunk! I wouldn't be worrying so much about it if I was too drunk!_ Elliot was absolutely unsure of what he should do. _I don't like it to be touched by anyone, so what is so different about Mike? Why can he reach me like that?_

He could only stand there while Mike continued to caress him… until he stopped. Still Elliot could feel the hands on his shoulder and back and the thumbs slowly moved over the thin fabric of his shirt, tickling him through it.

Seconds passed, then minutes. Still Mike did not change his position or his actions, and Elliot slowly realized that he wanted more than that. He became curious of what might happen. This insight made him blush again.

"Have I made you curious?" Mike reacted to his suddenly reddening cheeks.

"Yes," Elliot replied softly, speaking before he could think it through… or had a chance to talk himself out of it.

Mike nodded thoughtfully. "So the only question now is what you might want to do about it, huh?"

Elliot shuddered. Mike's breathing made his chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm… shifting a hard knob against Elliot's palm, making his fingers twitch.

"Don't know…" he whispered.

Mike smiled slightly. "It's ok," he tried to give him confidence. "Go ahead. I wouldn't have started this if I didn't want you to."

Elliot remained hesitant, but the look he caught in Mike's crystal green eyes when he glanced up at him encouraged him, and he could not help but start to caress Mike in return.

They were barely noticeable, slow movements, but for Mike they were thrilling, more thrilling than if Elliot suddenly would have stroked him all over his body. The hesitation in the touches made them even more exciting. Mike felt how Elliot's hand slid down his chest, until the fingertips found the round bud and started to tease it. Painfully slowly Elliot moved the tip of his index finger around it and felt it harden.

Inwardly Mike grinned. He saw Elliot's eyes close and wondered what was going on in the other man's head. Under his hands he could sense the tremors rippling through Elliot's body.

And Elliot?

Actually he began to enjoy the unfamiliar sensation under his fingertips, which sent chills up his arm and through his body. On his back he felt Mike's hand move slightly now and apply a bit more pressure. At first he resisted, pressing his shoulder blades together. The gentle urging brought his fear back, but it did not remain longer than it took Mike to stroke a bit deeper on his spine. Once more he felt the pressure increase… and gave in to it, making one tentative step forward.

As their bodies sank against each other Elliot gasped. Still he did not flinch back. The intimate contact did not even make him uncomfortable. The shudder that rushed through him was a good one, making him feel what Mike had claimed earlier, wanted and desirable. He trembled with joy and anxiety at the same time.

_What am I doing here? Why does that feel so good? What is happening with me?_

"Don't be scared," Mike whispered close to Elliot's ear, the shudders passing his colleagues body carrying forward in his own. It was a totally new experience for him, too, and he instinctively tightened his hold on Elliot's back just a fraction.

To his own surprise Elliot was not scared. That did not change when Mike reached for the buttons of his shirt and began to open them. He felt how Mike tugged on the fabric and pulled the shirt over his shoulders and upper arms.

_This will be interesting,_ Mike thought. To let go of the shirt Elliot had to release his hold of him and Mike wondered if he would resume once he lost contact.

Elliot let go of him and allowed Mike to slip off his shirt. So Mike let it fall to the floor. Then he laid his hand on Elliot's back again, caressing it by stroking up and down his spine with feather light touches now. With the other hand he reached up for Elliot's neck, tickling his ear and the hair line. Surprised, he noticed that Elliot leaned into his touch.

Instinctively Elliot responded to him by reaching up and resting his own hands on Mike's waist, but he was not ready to do more right then. He felt Mike's arm snake around his waist and pull him even closer. His trembling intensified and his breaths became erratic. The fingers tickling his neck vanished and reappeared on his upper back to strengthen Mike's hold on him.

Then Elliot felt the first kiss on his left shoulder, sending flashes of fire through his veins. His eyes flew open and he froze in the now strong embrace. His blood rushed in his ears and his heart thumped in his chest.

He shivered at the caress of Mike's breath and the kisses he planted on his shoulder, approaching his neck. Automatically he bent his head back to grant him access and felt the lips brush over the sensitive skin. His muscles tensed in his neck. Then he felt a light sting when Mike softly bit him. He moaned.

Something suddenly changed. Elliot's arms went around Mike's back to hold him close and he turned his head. Not an inch away was the other man's face with the striking green eyes. Elliot got lost in their depths, totally focused on Mike. Before he knew what he did, he bent forward to meet the other man in a first tentative kiss. Their lips met, causing bolts of lightning in both their bodies. It was the first rush of passion that hit Elliot and he deepened his kiss. Under his hands he felt Mike's shirt and under the fabric the firm and strong muscles of his back. He felt the buttons press against his chest as well as the two firm knobs. It felt so good that Elliot tightened his embrace and intensified the kiss… until he felt Mike's tongue seeking entrance.

It was a shock!

Within a second Elliot's mouth went dry. The feel of Mike's lips on his own took his breath away. All of a sudden this whole situation became frightening and Elliot felt a wild desire to run away from Mike as fast as he could.

_You're a failure! I don't raise weaklings! You're a disgrace! You'll grow up to be a faggot!_

The voice in Elliot's head threw him off balance. It broke the spell and made him tense up.

"No!" he moaned, terrified, struggling against Mike's hold and backing off violently.

tbc…


	7. Talk

**Strange Attraction**

Law & Order: SVU 

by RoadrunnerGER

_Disclaimer_: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

A/N: As always, thanks for the reviews. :D Many thanks to my beta. Without you this story would not even exist. Your ideas and encouragement are a great help. Thank you. :)

**7**

**Talk**

_Did I go too fast?_ Mike wondered when Elliot broke out of their embrace._ It seemed to be so easy now, he even kissed me in return. I just reacted to him… and that was when he pushed me away._ When he looked at him now, Elliot had a haunted look in his eyes and shivered violently, avoiding looking at Mike in return. He stumbled backwards until he hit the doorframe to the bathroom, his face a mask of mental pain.

"What's wrong?" Mike demanded to know.

"N-nothing," Elliot stammered, panting, shaking his head violently. "Just, we… we shouldn't... it's wrong… a sin."

But Mike could tell there was more to it than that.

"I… I should go," Elliot started looking around for his clothes. Seeing his shirt he reached for it, but Mike grabbed his wrist.

"Wait!" Mike pleaded. "What did I do? How did I upset you?"

"You didn't!" Elliot snapped, winding his arm out of Mike's grip. "It's… just wrong!" he gasped in an almost breaking voice. But Mike was having none of it.

"Whatever I did, I'm sorry. We can stop now if you want to, just tell me how I upset you!"

In Elliot's expression Mike could read how his mind was working on overdrive and then it all bubbled out of him.

"Not you, me… I… got that temper! Made mistakes… always used to! Couldn't hold her! I'm a coward, unworthy and filthy… he said so!"

"Wait!" Mike tried to stop him. Elliot's agitation was more than obvious and when Mike reached out for him, wanting to take his arm to make him stay, he lashed out at him.

"Let me go! It's wrong! I can't… he knew it… I deserve it. That rage! I'm filthy! I just proved that! It's…"

"Elliot!"

Once more Mike attempted to grab him, but Elliot flinched back. So he followed him and that was when Elliot's expression changed. Furiously he stared at Mike, projecting his pain on him, and when Mike made another step forward he avoided his outstretched hand and shoved him back hard.

So hard that Mike went down backwards and crashed into the cupboard.

For a few seconds Elliot stood in the middle of the room, paralysed, staring at his fellow detective. Then he rushed over to squat down next to him.

"Mike?" he gasped. "Are you okay? My God! I didn't mean to do that! I'm sorry!"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Mike mumbled. Out of slightly glassy eyes he looked straight into Elliot's sapphires. Then he chuckled. "Wow! Those muscles keep their promise!"

Elliot frowned, uncertain how to reply, but then his fear bubbled up inside of him again.

"You scared the shit out of me!" he grumbled, boxing Mike's upper arm. "You could have cracked your skull or broken your neck when you fell. I thought I'd have hurt you."

"Just the moment I hit the furniture." Mike grinned. "I'll survive."

"You better!" Still he was tense with fear. When he had seen Mike fall he already had Warner or Rodgers on his mind and CSU techs swarming the living room. But that was only a fleeting thought. His tension originated in his unease about what had been happening between him and Mike. It scared the crap out of him. He had to get rid of some of the tension, so he good-naturedly boxed him again, but this time Mike intercepted his blow. Holding Elliot's arm he tried to lock his gaze with him.

Elliot froze.

It was not the touch that bothered him, it was the look in Mike's eyes, his whole expression. There was something going on in his mind and he was about to find out what.

"Will you answer me a question?" Mike asked cautiously.

"If I can."

"What bad experiences did you have to make you so unwilling?" Mike tried his best to sound confident and concerned. After the broken phrases he had heard he could not help but imagine that previous experiences had made Elliot ashamed and reluctant. He got no answer, but Elliot also did not try to retreat. _Maybe I chose the wrong words. But now they're out._ Still he was not willing to let the subject go, so he decided to try it again.

"What did you mean when you said that you're filthy?"

Stunned, Elliot sat back on his heels, but did not try to wind out of Mike's grasp. It took some time until he found his voice again.

"I said that?" he croaked.

Mike nodded.

_Ooops._ Elliot swallowed, fixing his gaze on the floor now. _What else did I say?_

"Elliot, you're not filthy, anything but that. Who ever told you that?" Mike's voice was soft and gentle, caring. Compassion glowed in his eyes.

Still Elliot debated with himself over whether he should tell Mike. Only a few people knew about that dark chapter of his life and he was not sure if he wanted the Major Case detective to know.

_I have a fifty-fifty chance, I guess,_ Mike thought and took the risk. "Who hurt you so much? Who made you so afraid? Was it your father?"

Elliot's head shot up and he stared at Mike incredulously.

"It was not that hard to guess," Mike explained. "It's in the past but obviously not forgotten, so it must have been someone who was close to you, someone who meant something to you. And… we may have something in common. My… my Mom used to beat the crap out of me when she was drunk."

Winding his arm out of Mike's grip, Elliot backed off, getting up and making two steps back. Mike's admission, and that he made it so easily, surprised him. He was not sure what to make of that, but Mike's words did not fail their effect and finally it burst out of him.

"He… he called me a failure," Elliot said, his voice shaking, barely noticing Mike nodding sympathetically. "And a lot of other names." He went to the sofa nearby and sat down on the armrest. "And he beat me with his belt." For a moment he fell silent and he could not help the blush of shame that came to his face.

"And you accepted it, because he was your dad, and he was supposed to love you," Mike said.

"He _did_ love me!" Elliot insisted vehemently. "He was just… angry a lot."

"Why?"

Elliot swallowed. Mike's question was simple but sincere. It demanded an answer. He shrugged, but it did not work. He felt as bad as before. "I was always screwing up."

"Really? Or was that just his excuse?"

"What do you mean, his excuse?" His tone was suspicious now. It was kind of a dumb question, but right now Elliot was not the Special Victims cop, he was just a man hurting from his memories. The way Mike asked and the fact that he had hit the nail on the head blew down his professional façade and forced him to be a human being instead of just a cop.

"I mean that you couldn't have possibly done anything as a child to deserve so much abuse that it has made you continue to doubt your worth today. I mean that your dad was pissed off about something else, and he took it out on you."

_Why does Mike have to have such an insight?_ Elliot was more scared than he was prepared to admit. His colleague confronted him with more disagreeable truths than he wanted to face. It was just that now that he started he could not step back again.

"He was a cop," Elliot said softly after a long pause. "The Knapp commission got him fired when I was about ten years old."

"And my mom was a mean drunk," Mike said. "Doesn't mean she didn't love me, and what your dad did doesn't mean he didn't love you."

Elliot hung his head and nodded, understanding what Logan was saying to him, but with his eyes fixed on the floor, he did not see the other man approaching again until he felt the soft caress of Mike's hand on his cheek. Gently he slid his palm along Elliot's jaw and then cupped his chin and tipped his head up until emerald eyes met sapphire.

"It also doesn't mean they were right."

Elliot did not need to answer him. His tears, which stung his eyes just a moment later, were answer enough. Mike made another step forward and pulled him to his chest. This time it was nothing but a comforting embrace, a gesture of compassion and an offer of security.

"Let it out," Mike murmured. "It doesn't do any good if you bottle it up inside of you until you're almost suffocating. It really isn't good. I had to learn that the hard way."

Slowly relaxing under the gentle rubbing of his back, Elliot gathered his thoughts.

"You're right," he whispered. "I used to be really good, you know, at handling it. Oh, I'd pound the hell out of the lockers sometimes… or a suspect."

Mike chuckled at the admission. "…or, in my case, a council-man," he joked and Elliot had to laugh with him. He knew he had a certain reputation and that the department rumors had blown it all out of proportion. Then just that quickly, the tears came back, and, not wanting to pull out of the other man's embrace to dash them away, he opted instead to press his eyes into the soft curve of Mike's neck.

"People just thought I had a temper, you know?" he mumbled.

"Oh, I know," Mike confirmed. "I've heard."

"Sometimes it was just so much easier to get pissed off and bust my knuckles on something than to… to…"

When he became stuck for words, Mike helped him by filling in, "Than to face your real pain and your real emotions?"

"Yeah," Elliot agreed, sounding a little surprised. Elliot had never realized it for himself before. Not with that terrifying clarity. "But then…"

Mike held his breath and waited, still stroking circles on the other man's back. When he finally had to breathe again he decided it was time to nudge him along a bit.

"Then what?"

"It all became worse after Gitano attacked me."

"What happened?" Even as Mike did not want to appear to be too curious he could not help to ask.

"He… he held me at gunpoint. Actually I was between two guns, his and my partner's." He swallowed. "He had killed a family, taken the kids hostage. We tracked him to the bus station. The boy, Ryan, was right in front of me, but then Gitano cut Olivia's throat. I didn't know she wasn't hurt badly. I went to her first, and Gitano grabbed the boy and took him to the upper level where he slit his throat and fled with the girl." His voice became lower and more toneless as he remembered. "And when I cornered Gitano I made a mistake. He decked me… and when Olivia found us, he held his gun to my head."

Taking a deep breath he prepared to tell the rest of the story.

"That day it all could have been over. I knew we could not let him get away. So I told Olivia to shoot him."

"And?" Mike asked when he did not continue.

"Gitano would have killed me. She could not fire a clean shot so he would have taken me with him before she could take him out. In the end she could have shot straight through me to get him, would have been the same." Once more he swallowed thickly. "Saying is that your life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die? I felt like that. And it was okay. If this had to be the end I was ready to go. The only thing I regretted was letting Kathy go without a fight."

_Whoa! Wait!_ Mike thought. _How did we make the jump from suppressed memories over a near death experience to his divorce?_

"Kathy and the kids are my life. I should have fought for her…" A strangled breath cut him short. "I never wanted to let her go, but… I thought that… I didn't earn her. I… felt unworthy."

_That's how!_ Mike was stunned and rendered wordless. All he could do was to offer some comfort. _And that's the end of the night,_ he thought. _There'll be no way to get out of this mood into the other._

Just a pang of regret remained. On the other hand he felt honored by Elliot's trust. They only knew each other by occasional exchanges of their squads, or had bumped into one another at court or after work at a bar. But they had never tried to establish a friendship… until tonight.

Sure, Mike had admired Elliot from the first time they met, but there never had been an opportunity to talk to him alone or least of all, bluntly said, to hit on him.

"I knew it was my fault that she left and I didn't fight because I thought that it served me right."

_Oh, my._ Absently Mike rubbed his back. _He's just torturing himself. Reminds me of someone…_

He was at a loss for words, so he remained silent. For a long time Elliot just sat there, taking comfort in the strong circle of Mike's arms as Mike alternately rubbed his back and gently stroked his fingers through his short hair. Every once in a while, Elliot's breathing would speed up and grow raspy, and Mike knew he was fighting tears again. When that happened, he would softly shush him and rock him a little bit on the armrest of the sofa.

Finally, Mike heard a deep sigh and felt Elliot go limp in his arms. Imagining that the younger man had finally given in to exhaustion from the outpouring of painful emotions, he moved to coax Elliot to lie down on the couch. He affectionately pressed his lips to the other man's temple as he positioned him against one of the pillows.

And when he tried to stand up, he was as surprised as he had ever been in his life to have Elliot hold on to him and plead, "Please, don't go."

tbc…


	8. Temptation

**Strange Attraction**

Law & Order: SVU 

by RoadrunnerGER

_Disclaimer_: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

**8**

**Temptation**

Surprised by his own words Elliot caught his breath. His skin still tickled where Mike had kissed his temple. There he was, just in his briefs, lying on his back and holding on to the forearm of Mike Logan whose muscles twitched under his palm.

Sheer exhaustion made him collapse on the couch. He could not remember when his emotions had poured out of him like that, and he still could not believe that he had allowed it to happen in front of Mike.

And above all he desperately tried to process that he actually _had_ enjoyed Mike's intimacy. For just a few seconds his homophobia had appeared to have vanished. Then everything bubbled over and he backed off.

Now, too confused to catch a single thought, he just held Mike's gaze, waiting for him to make the next move.

For a long moment, Mike stared into the sapphire blue eyes feeling like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. Then he let a lazy smile grow across his face. Having Elliot cling to him and ask him to stay was more than he could have expected and exactly what he had wanted.

_After the conversation we just had, I can't believe he's still interested in what I had in mind_, he thought. As he gazed mutely into the other man's bright blue eyes, something he saw there set off some alarm bells. _He is interested, isn't he?_

Then he realized what was troubling him. Elliot did not look aroused. He looked needy. It was an effort not to sigh out his frustrations. Instead, he kept a compassionate smile on his face and spoke kindly as he caressed the stubbly cheek, rubbing his thumb over the curve of Elliot's cheekbone.

"I won't go far," he promised, still astonished that Elliot granted him the contact, "but I think we both need to step back for just a bit."

"But, Mike, I…" Instinctively his hold on Mike tightened.

"Shhh," he interrupted. "If you need me to just sit with you for a while, I'll sit with you when I come back. If you want something else… well, we can do that, if you want. Or, if you decide to just go, there will be no hard feelings. But before we do anything more, I think you need a moment to figure out what you _really_ want."

"But I already know…"

"That's great," Mike said even as he drew away, finally freeing his arm, "but I'm going to give you a minute anyway, just to be sure." Then he left for the bathroom without giving Elliot the chance to say anything else.

When he closed the door behind him he took a deep breath.

_That was your chance, Mike Logan,_ he thought. _And it was the only one you're ever likely to get._ _Still it was a nice and quite interesting evening. Maybe we can play pool again. I'd like to be his friend._

He washed his hands and dried them on a towel, then brushed his teeth and washed his face. Then he just stood there and stared at his reflection in the mirror for a few minutes. He sighed.

_You're getting old, Mike Logan. Damn! My hair's getting thinner,_ he huffed, reaching up to let his hand run through it. Then he brushed over his stomach with the other hand. _Not to speak of the love handles… and these circles under my eyes, they were not as dark when I was Elliot's age. I guess I'm still pretty fit, but it's becoming more difficult to chase down a perp on foot._

He paused for a moment, still staring at the man looking out of the mirror at him whose appearance did not seem to fit to what he felt.

_There's no denying it, Mike. You gained weight and there's silver in your hair, too._ Once more he sighed. _How could you ever think that Elliot might be interested in you? Look at yourself! You wouldn't want to sleep with yourself either! Damn! Elliot's about ten years younger than you are. What the hell came over you that you thought he might agree to make love with you?_

He had come in her to kill some time and give Elliot a chance to evaluate his feelings and figure out what he really wanted. Now he realized that, even after Elliot's initial positive reaction, the younger man possibly was disgusted by the thought of fooling around with him. Suddenly Mike was not as eager as before to return to the living room.

Well, he knew that there was a good chance Elliot would be gone by the time he got back anyway, but he did not regret his decision. _The worst thing I could possibly do would be to give the man sex when all he really wants or needs right now is someone to tell him that he's an ok guy and everything will be all right._

xxx

Now Elliot had no idea what to think. Hell, he did not even know what to feel. In the short couple of hours that they had been in the apartment, he had been through every conceivable emotion. Then, just when he realized that he really wanted to experience the companionship that Mike was offering, Logan had backed off.

_He just vanished in the bathroom!_ Elliot turned on his side, then he sat up. Even though emotionally exhausted a sudden agitation forced him to his feet.

_Why? _He wondered as he paced back and forth between the sofa and the armchair, listening to the water running in the bathroom. _What did I do wrong?_

It had to be something he had done, because just moments before, Mike had been kissing and caressing him. _How do I convince him that I want this, that I'll never be comfortable enough with another man to try again, that I'm too afraid to try it with anyone else?_

_That's it! I'm too afraid. He thinks I'm a coward. How do I prove to him I'm not?_

Hearing the water stop running, he realized Mike was coming back. Since he was closest to the armchair, he plopped into that, turned sideways so he could see the bathroom door, and waited.

And waited.

_Fear!_

Yes, it was undeniably building up inside of him. Or was it anticipation? He remembered Mike's touches and at once his skin tickled where he had been held by him.

Then he thought of the kisses.

It had startled him when Mike's lips brushed over his own. But when the first shock subsided he noticed that it did not feel different from any other kiss he had shared.

And he wanted to be kissed again.

Elliot was just beginning to wonder what was taking so long and to worry that Mike would not want him anymore when the bathroom doorknob started to turn.

xxx

When Mike returned to the living room, Elliot was sitting sideways in the easy chair, his legs dangling over the armrest. Obviously he had not moved more than that, because he still was without pants.

So Mike grabbed the pair he had chosen for him, picked up the shirt from the floor and strolled over to him.

"You okay?" he asked, holding the clothes out at him. The pure incredulity on Elliot's face astonished him.

"Now _you_ are backing out?" Elliot asked back.

Mike was so stunned that he did not realize what Elliot said at first. _He still is into it. At least he gives the impression that he's ready to go on…_

He was tempted to try it, but then he thought better of it and placed the bundle in Elliot's lap.

"I don't want to take advantage of your emotional state," he said. "It would be unfair."

Elliot frowned. "My emotional state…"

"Yeah. You're upset. I don't want to take advantage of that to coax you into something you wouldn't otherwise do."

_You didn't care about that before you knew my story._ Elliot could not help but feel betrayed. Mike had started something that had always been out of the question for him. Getting intimate with Mike went against everything he believed in. It questioned a whole lifetime of Catholic faith. _What is about him that's getting to me that way?_ He huffed. _I'm too damned straight to even think about it… but yet I let him touch me, kiss me… Why?_ Elliot knew why, he just was not ready to admit it. Mike made him feel special and woke a desire Elliot did not know he might have. That was what made him panic. He had pushed Mike away, and Mike did not leave but comforted him instead, waking new rushes of longing.

_And now he just stops?_ Elliot was confused. He turned in the chair to sit up, putting the clothes aside.

In the meantime Mike sat down on the sofa and watched him furtively. _What's he doing now? What is he expecting me to do?_

"Now you're being unfair," Elliot said.

"I am?" Now it was Mike's turn to be confused.

"Yes, you are."

"I'm just trying to respect you. I don't want to end up being arrested by you for molestation or something." He chuckled. "I mean, that's what you specialized in, right?"

Elliot looked hurt. "You don't think that I'd tell someone about tonight, do you?"

The smile fell from Mike's face. The guy had probably just shared his deepest secrets, stuff he had never told anyone else, and here he was making a joke. _You're an ass, Logan._

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "That was inappropriate. I just… I don't want you to feel hurt or used, and I'm afraid if we do this now, after what you told me, when you are so obviously hurting, that you won't be able to forgive me in the morning."

For a long moment, Elliot looked at him with those soulful blue eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again. He licked his lips, and that gesture made Mike want to kiss him so badly he could taste it, but he held back. Then Elliot opened his mouth again and spoke, his confusion clearly audible.

"What are we doing here?"

"I don't know," Mike said, rubbing a hand over his face. "But we're sure as hell not in synch. To be honest, all I wanted was sex."

Angrily Elliot huffed and was about to respond when Mike, suddenly realizing how his words sounded, hurried to cut him off.

"I don't mean that in a dirty way," he said. "I'd never use you. I mean I didn't go out tonight with the intention to find someone to have sex with." He paused for a moment to arrange his ideas. "The plain truth is that I've always thought that you're hot… and when the opportunity offered itself… I just wanted for us to be able to enjoy each other, that's all."

_Hot? He thinks I'm hot?_ Stunned Elliot could not answer at once.

"Hot?" he gasped and saw Mike nod. "And what do you mean with always?"

Now Mike laughed.

"Since the first time I saw you," he said. "It was at court. I was on my way to the trial I had to attend and you came out of another courtroom together with your partner… um… Rosetti, and the attorney." Once more he laughed with the memory. "I remember that I thought that the prosecution must have won the case… you all were in such a good mood. You wore this shit eating grin that makes your eyes sparkle like sapphires. I thought you were gorgeous… still do." _Especially without your clothes,_ he added, unashamedly looking Elliot over.

Mike's confession, combined with the scrutinizing look, hit Elliot like a sledgehammer. _That must have been… whoa… at least eleven years ago! Rosetti! I just had become detective and joined SVU back then and Rosetti was my first partner! And Mike remembers _details

Taken aback Elliot did not know what to say. His thoughts were a whirl. What had led their conversation there? He tried to grasp it. Slowly Mike's other words took on meaning.

"Then why aren't we… what did you call it… enjoying each other now?" Elliot finally asked, sounding thoroughly befuddled.

"Because you started to freak out, Elliot," the older man explained. "It's obvious that I'm a lot more experienced than you."

Elliot began to blush a deep red and Mike hurried to put him at ease. "Hey, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. We've just led different lives is all, and there is no way I'm going to do something that I'm not sure you're ready for. I wouldn't take advantage of anyone that way. I'm not looking for a relationship, but I'm not a totally selfish bastard either."

"Well, you're being one now!" Elliot grumbled.

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" Mike could not remember the last time he had been with anyone who had confused and surprised him this much.

"You're treating me like a kid who doesn't know what he's doing," Elliot accused. "What is it? Are you afraid that if it doesn't go well that I'll blame you?" He waited for an answer, but did not get one. So he tried to explain, "I'm not an ass, Mike. If I don't like it, I don't like it. But that's _my_ decision! That doesn't mean I'll think it's your fault, and you've certainly gone out of your way to keep me from doing something I'll regret. Stop trying to protect me from myself and finish what you started, damn it!"

Mike moved closer and ran a finger down Elliot's chest from his collar bone to his waistline. Elliot shivered at his touch and it made him smile. "Have you liked what we've been doing so far?"

Elliot nodded and blushed a bit.

"Does it feel good?" He rubbed circles on one nipple with his thumb.

"Yeahhh," Elliot moaned.

"How long has it been since you've felt like this?" he asked. When Elliot just glared at him, he said, "It's been a long time, hasn't it? Since your wife left, maybe?"

The blue eyes spread fire. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I don't want to be a substitute for your wife."

Elliot lowered his gaze and shook his head. Mike clearly wasn't getting it. He didn't _want_ a substitute for Kathy. He wanted something different for a change. Something he'd never had before in his life. But how could he make Mike understand?

"It's just… what you're doing to me… I…"

"You're quite vulnerable, right now." Mike interrupted. He tried to lock his gaze with Elliot's, but could not because he avoided him, looking down at his chest. "You're recently divorced, old wounds caused by your father have broken open… I don't want you to agree with doing anything, if you do it for the wrong reason."

Now Elliot looked up at him.

"I'm not," he whispered. Thoughtfully he turned his gaze away again. He had to explain. He had to make Mike understand. He would never find himself in a situation like this again, and he did not want to spend the rest of his life wondering what might have happened. His mouth opened and worked, but he could not find the right words yet. His play of features was quite interesting to watch.

"What you've done," he finally started, yet hesitantly, still groping for words. "When you touched me like that, you… triggered feelings I didn't know were there. In my younger days I… never experimented. I mean, I didn't know more than what I got to know before I had to quit being a boy and to become a man."

Mike nodded. "I understand."

Looking deep into Mike's eyes, Elliot shook his head. "I'm not so sure if you do, Mike. What I mean is that, I was the captain of my high school football team, and girls were always trying to hook up with me, you know? But Kathy was the only girl I ever dated. Now, I have never doubted that she loved me. I am convinced that she still does, even if we can't be married to each other anymore, but back then, I knew that, as much as she loved me and I loved her, I was also just a status symbol. She got pregnant our first time, and it was easy to do the right thing because we loved each other; but I have never, in my entire life, been with anyone just because they wanted me."

Mike was stunned. He could not grasp what he just had been told.

_I'd be his first!_ He realized at last. _Not his first ever, but his first man. And not only that! He's never been with anyone but his wife, Kathy!_ That thought scared the crap out of him. The guy was recently divorced, and what happened between them could affect his love life and intimate relationships from here on out. Part of him just wanted to back out, but another part of him really, _really_ wanted to do it right. Taking a deep breath, he decided to proceed with caution and try to discern what Elliot really wanted and needed. Realizing it was his turn in the conversation, he searched his mind for something neutral to say, and finally grasped on something from earlier in the evening.

"So I was right," he rasped. "You broke several hearts over the years."

Elliot saw the small mischievous smile and returned it. Once more he felt heat rise to his cheeks as he blushed… with a memory.

"Now that you're talking about it…" He looked to the side, still grinning. "I didn't pay much attention to anyone but Kathy back then, least of all the boys, but yeah, there was someone."

Mike's eyes widened. _Don't ask_, he ordered himself. _He'll tell you._ His hands ached to touch him again, to roam over the perfectly built body, the curves of his shoulders, hips and biceps, and to explore him and what gave him joy.

"He was two years older, repeated school years and so he was in another class of my grade. You can't say that he was very popular, the girls were more interested in the team captains and the best players, but Tommy never was special. I don't think that it was his looks, as much as I can tell, but rather that he kept his nose in his books so much."

_And?_ Mike was almost bursting with anticipation. _I want to know what happened! C'mon! Tell me! What did he do?_

"I remember that he came to the football games." He chuckled lowly. "That wasn't anything noticeable, but I heard rumors about him and once after a game I literally bumped into him on my way back to the parking lot. We both went down on the grass and all our stuff flew in every direction. Somehow I landed on him and while I was trying to get back up, he just remained lying there. I thought that he might have hurt himself, but when I looked at him I noticed that he seemed to be quite content where he was."

"Right in that second I did not know what to make of it. Then he smiled at me… and touched my leg. He could have done it because he was groping around, trying to get up, but it was quite obvious that it was no coincidence. I remembered the rumors, jumped up, gathered my stuff and ran."

"You ran?"

"Yeah, I did. I didn't want to be grist for the rumor mill."

"So…what are you saying about tonight?" Mike asked, still not willing to make a move for fear he might have misinterpreted something.

"I'm saying, forget about whether I'll forgive you in the morning. I just might thank you."

Mike was stunned. _Did I really hear what I just heard? Did he really say that?_ But still his doubts lingered.

Elliot got up and went to the window. The night covered the city like a soft velvet drape. High above a full moon with softly glowing halo stood over the luminous city that never slept.

Behind him Elliot heard the rustle of clothes and soft padding.

"So… you want me to continue where we left off?" Mike outright asked, his voice husky with desire.

_If I only knew for sure!_ Elliot was about to say that he did not know or was not sure, when Mike touched his shoulder. It sent chills down his back and he sucked in a breath with the sudden sensation. He clenched his teeth, trying to control his breathing… and started to shiver.

"Don't be scared, Elliot," Mike said.

He had his hands on both of Elliot's shoulders now, caressing him gently. Then he planted kisses on the back of his neck.

"I'm not scared," Elliot said, and was relieved to find it was the truth.

"Good." And he kissed him again. "I'll take care to protect us."

Now Elliot was scared. Mike felt him tense up and knew at once what had caused this reaction: The mention of protection made him realize what Mike was thinking about.

"I didn't necessarily mean _that_," Mike murmured, lightly pulling him backwards against his chest. Then he kissed the side of his neck. "All I want to do is make you feel good, to give you pleasure. If you don't want to go _that_ far, we won't.

The wiry hair of Mike's bare chest tickled Elliot's back. Reaching behind him he placed his hands on the other man's hips… and noticed that also the pants were gone. He shuddered and a low moan escaped him.

"Shh," Mike hushed.

Wrapping his right arm around Elliot's shoulders and the left around his waist, he pulled him as close as he could. Then, tickling him by drawing small circles with his fingertips, Mike moved his hand slowly up his neck and laid the palm on his cheek. Now he was playing with his ear again.

Mike felt Elliot shiver against his body and gently urged him to turn his head.

tbc…


	9. Experiences

**Strange Attraction**

Law & Order: SVU 

by RoadrunnerGER

_Disclaimer_: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. :D Thanks to _Knuffeltje's_ you'll get more of this "_a bit unconventional pairing"_ so soon… it inspired me. LOL Thanks for your comments and if you think this was a _cruel_ cliffhanger try **48 Hours** or **Flash**. LOL

**9**

**Experiences**

In Mike's gentle but strong embrace Elliot relaxed against his colleague's body. He was infinitely aware of each of Mike's touches, the hand moving along his collarbone, fingertips trailing circles on it then up the neck and brushing over his cheekbone. On his cheek the fluttering kisses left a tickling trail.

Elliot yielded to Mike's gentle pressure and turned his head. He closed his eyes and waited for what would happen next. Mike smiled as he looked into the handsome face. Elliot's features were completely relaxed, the long lashes resting on the cheek, his lips slightly parted, begging to be kissed. Very gently, he pressed a featherlight kiss to the other man's mouth and held his breath.

The kiss only lasted a split second before Elliot flinched back and offered his throat instead.

_No!_ Mike let out a low frustrated moan. _Why? C'mon! You don't have to be scared.__ I guess I have to grant you more time,_ Mike thought. _It's hard, but I have no choice._ He smiled. _Well, this way it will last longer._ This prospect excited him and he felt his natural reaction

Actually Elliot did not know why he backed out. He had wanted this kiss but still he had avoided Mike. Around his waist he felt the other man's strong arm, holding him tight and suddenly he became aware of the hot body he was leaning against… and the signs of excitement he sensed against his own flesh.

Mike felt Elliot's reaction to his obvious excitement. His hands let go of Mike's hips and he began to struggle in the embrace.

_No!_ The realization pierced Mike's heart. _Please, don't!_

_That's too close to home!_ Elliot was just short of panicking when Mike pressed against his backside. _I don't want THAT!_

Starting to wriggle in Mike's embrace he tried to get away, but Mike just gave him enough space to turn around. Once Elliot was facing him, he tightened his hold on him again, their lower bodies shifting against each other. Out of widened sapphire eyes Elliot stared up at Mike. Around his back he felt Mike's strong arm which pulled him closer again. He did not mind that. He _wanted_ that. Still, as much as he enjoyed it, it scared him.

Elliot sighed as he let himself be drawn into a pretty tight embrace. The heat of Mike's body spread a comfortable warmth through his own. Caresses on his side and shoulder blades made him shiver.

_Whoa! You're still so tense!_ Clearly Mike could feel the shivers which carried forward through Elliot's body like ripples on water's surface. They were physical proof of his mental condition. It was obvious that he still was nervous and Mike could not resent him that.

_I can't forget it's his first time, _he reminded himself. _No wonder he's scared. What can I do to ease his anxiety? I don't want to push too much, pushing could ruin it._ On his own back he could feel Elliot's hands, but he hardly moved them, just held on to him, tremors running through his rigid body. _His reluctance is as __endearing__ as his embarrassment,_ Mike thought.

He reveled in the sensation of his colleague's body against his own. The constant shivering tickled his chest hair and nipples.

_He feels as good as I imagined he would._ Inwardly Mike grinned. _If I only could __relieve__ him of his fear…_

Actually Elliot wished he could relax, but he could not manage it. Even as he really began to enjoy Mike's caresses, he could not stop his body from shivering. Elliot tried to draw security out of Mike's low and steady breathing, his hands which were comforting and caressing at the same time on his skin and the soft kisses he planted on his shoulder because he had turned away from him.

Still it did not really work out. Elliot could not get rid of his fear and he sensed that Mike's advances became hesitant. His trouble was that he did not know what to do about it. Even knowing that he wanted to take the next step did not help in making his body comply to it. He was breathing rapidly and he thought he could hear his own heartbeat.

"Shhh. It's okay." Pressing a soft kiss to Elliot's neck, Mike raised a hand to let his fingers trail through Elliot's hair and then whisper in his ear, "There's no need to be scared."

_I'm not scared,_ Elliot wanted to reply, but he could not get a single tone out. _It wouldn't have been the truth anyway._ Still his body remained rigid.

Mike pressed a kiss to Elliot's temple, sucked on his earlobe, and chuckled when the younger man moaned in pleasure despite himself. His sounds betrayed his body's reaction.

_Now I have thought that the both of us were not in sync… but his mind obviously isn't in sync with the rest of him, either._ That scared Mike. Never before had he been responsible for the introduction. He had never met someone so completely inexperienced. _Not completely,_ he reminded himself. _Just in being with men._

Still that did not change the fact that the responsibility made him anxious.

With his fingertips Mike trailed up and down Elliot's spine, tickling him. Elliot arched his back. So Mike could bend forward and kiss not only Elliot's neck and shoulder but went deeper inch by inch, closing in on his left nipple.

Sucking in a deep breath Elliot shuddered when Mike's lips closed around the firm bud. Squirming in his embrace he tried to avoid his teasing only to shift his hips against Mike's… which sent bolts of lightning through his body.

"Mike…!" he gasped.

But Mike only grinned to himself and sucked on the nipple, making Elliot buck in his embrace. And then he let go.

Shivering Elliot stood, holding on to Mike's shoulders for his balance, and waited for him to continue. But Mike just squinted up at him. Obviously he did not intend to go on.

"Mike…?" Elliot breathed.

"Yeeeaaah?"

"W…what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"But…" He swallowed. "Why did you stop?"

Mike chuckled. "I don't want you to explode."

Now it was Elliot's turn to moan with frustration even though he had to admit that Mike was not that wrong with his assumption. Mike straightened back up and Elliot was caught by the look in his green eyes.

Mike strengthened his hold on him. Oooohhh, that felt so good. Elliot would not mind if they remained standing like this, but Mike clearly followed another idea when he started to nuzzle Elliot's neck. It was a strange feeling, not only the soft lips and tender bites teasing his skin, but also the first hints of Mike's stubble.

But when he tried to kiss him, Elliot turned his head again.

_I can't do that,_ he thought. _Go on… no stop. C'mon, Mikey…_

His disputing feelings made him tremble harder. Reaching for Mike's shoulders, he pulled him closer again. His hands brushed over Mike's back, but he could not make himself caress him more than that. _I can't do that. Help me, Mikey._

In the meantime Mike let his hand run down Elliot's spine once more, this time continuing until his fingertips grazed the onset of his butt.

_Hmmm… that might be too early._

So he retreated again, planting more kisses on Elliot's shoulder. Burying his head in the soft curve, he nibbled at his neck. Then he kissed his way up to his cheek. Breathing hard Elliot tensed up. Before Mike could reach his mouth, Elliot avoided him again.

Instead of answering the kiss, Elliot leaned against Mike, wrapping his arms closer around him. His heart was thumping and he heard the blood rush in his ears. The ripples of Mike's moan carried forward in his own body.

Readily Mike let himself be pulled into the fierce hug. For now he was content where he was and relaxed into the embrace.

_I should wait for him. He gave in to my advances except for kisses on the mouth… he doesn't feel up to kisses yet._ It was kind of annoying. His desire for Elliot grew stronger by the minute and it was hard for him to slow down instead of pushing it. _Remind yourself, Mike Logan. Don't rush it, that might make him back out. I don't dare forget that it is his first time with a guy._

So he just hugged him in return, waiting for Elliot to take the lead. So far he got no sign from him and he was reluctant to continue himself. A pause was okay. He also enjoyed Elliot's mere presence. A few minutes passed and still neither of them moved. Then Mike could not stand it anymore.

"It's your turn, gorgeous," he whispered and felt the grip on his body tighten. That elicited a small chuckle from him. "And here I thought you'd fallen asleep."

Involuntary laughter escaped Elliot with the imagination. How could Mike possibly think he could fall asleep? He was way too nervous to even think about sleep. All he _could_ think about were Mike's firm buttocks that he was too scared to touch, his hair that he would love to ruffle and the soft lips which had already given him so much pleasure but which he still could not bear on his own.

"My turn?" he whispered back.

"Mmm hmmm." Mike shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He just had decided that he would wait this time, knowing that it could either take some more time or could be over right away when Elliot could not get himself to be the initiator.

Elliot waited for another clue but had to realize that nothing would come. If he wanted more he had to start it himself.

Reveling in Mike's warmth he tried to determine which options he had. Actually he had any option. Mike had asked him to go ahead and as he was so much more experienced anything Elliot could do to him would be fine. The question was if he was prepared to try and meet Mike's expectations. Even if he could get over his fear it was no guarantee that he could keep up with his partner's needs.

Ever so slowly Elliot started with his right hand while he clung to Mike with his left arm. Just with the tip of his fingers he followed a strand of muscles to the spine. From there he moved up, along the slight groove on his back. He heard Mike inhale deeply and sensed the expansion of his chest against his own. Trailing further upwards he concentrated on every reaction his partner might give, his eyes closed, head resting in the curve of Mike's neck, waiting for sounds or movements.

And Mike did not disappoint him. On his own back Elliot sensed a tickling trail upwards. Slowly the fingers crawled up the back of his neck like a big spider, leaving the spots they touched prickling with delight. They reached his hairline and he shrugged automatically when they tickled.

Mike's hair was as soft as he expected it to be. Where it was cut very short right along the hairline the ends itched, but when Elliot let his fingers run through the waves of Mike's thick shock of dark brown hair he felt it smooth over his skin.

Mike moaned pleasurably.

So Elliot continued to caress him like this while he reluctantly let go of him to have his left arm free, too. Now he just needed to decide what to do with it. Drawing small circles he moved it the same way his right hand had taken, but then he followed the right shoulder blade to the shoulder and along the arm. The strong biceps tensed under his touch.

That was when Elliot noticed that the comforting embrace he had relaxed into was gone. He had concentrated on his own advances and now he found Mike's hands resting in his own short-cut hair and on his upper arm. He let his hand run up to the shoulder again and felt Mike follow.

Elliot swallowed.

_He mirrors my moves,_ he thought. _I can guide him, show him what I like._ That made him chuckle. _As if I wouldn't have liked what he did so far. I did._

Testing if he had not mistaken his observation, he ruffled Mike's hair, sensing his fingers run through his own. Then he brushed his other hand down the groove of his back between the shoulder blades and back up, so light that he barely grazed the skin. Mike did the same and even as Elliot had expected it the sensation made him gasp for breath. The chill spread through his entire body.

"Hmmmmmmmmm!"

Mike paused right where he was when Elliot stopped moving. It took a moment until the younger man resumed with his exploration. Ever so lightly he let his hand roam over his partner's upper body, keeping his other hand in his hair. Wherever he touched, he made Mike snuggle closer and breathe more heavily… the same way he reacted to his copied caresses. His excitement grew with every inch he investigated.

Now he stroke down his spine again, slowly, excruciatingly slow. Mike tensed against him and Elliot arched his back, too. Deeper and deeper he went, intending to reach his aim. Just when he reached the low hollow where the crack between the cheeks started he paused for a moment. His hand started to shake as did his body while Mike just stopped moving.

Mike chuckled goodheartedly. _Afraid of your own courage, gorgeous?_ And, pushing his hand under the rim of Elliot's briefs, he let his fingers roam down the way Elliot had flinched back from, getting a weird sound, something between a moan and a squeak, in return.

Elliot's head shot up from Mike's shoulder. Bending his body back, he stared bewildered into the emerald eyes of his fellow detective. Still he could not let go of Mike, his hands resting behind his head and back.

Mike wrapped his now free right arm around Elliot's waist to brace him. Excruciatingly slowly he moved his left hand, sliding even deeper down and into the crack, eliciting another sound of stunned delight. Now Mike knew that he was close. He could not turn his gaze from the marvelous sapphire eyes, opened wide as was Elliot's mouth. Air was rushing in and out between the soft, trembling flesh of his lips in shallow gasps… which would become faster as Mike was convinced.

_Oh, I can imagine wonderful things these lips could do to me,_ Mike thought. _If I can get him past the point of no return…_

Reveling in the light massage of Elliot's fingertips behind his head he waited, but not for long. On his buttocks he felt more than just hesitant fingers search their way down. Mike could not withstand. When they were far enough he pressed his buttcheeks together, trapping Elliot whose eyes grew even wider.

_I wouldn't have thought that that's possible,_ Mike chuckled inwardly.

In the same instant he found his aim, the tight ring of muscles on Elliot's backside, and brushed over it with a fingertip.

"Whoaaaaaaah!" Elliot squeaked, bucking in Mike's strengthening hold.

But Mike only grinned mischievously, putting his finger down on Elliot's sphincter, rubbing it as slowly as he could manage.

Trying to avoid the touch, Elliot pushed his hips against Mike's which sent new bolts of lightning through his whole body.

"Oooohhh!" Elliot wailed, writhing in Mike's embrace.

And Mike, surprised as could be that Elliot still held his stare, could not help but tease Elliot's anus again, intent on finally breaking his defenses.

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!" Elliot screamed and this time he threw his head back, shoving his body against Mike's once more. He felt both of Mike's arms wrap around his waist, holding him tight as he squirmed in an almost desperate attempt to get away.

Mike watched his pleasurable agony. As Elliot had been so awfully tense he had not expected this violent reaction. _Maybe I drew wrong conclusions?_

"Elliot?" he whispered, his voice hoarse with restrained passion, and forcing himself to wait until he got eye contact. "Elliot? Do you trust me?"

He saw Elliot's mouth work, but no sound left it. Obviously he tried again, his voice still not working. Instead he nodded.

"Tell me," Mike pleaded.

_And how am I supposed to do that?_ Elliot wondered. Within seconds his mouth went completely, utterly dry. Still he was shivering in Mike's embrace. He tried to clear his throat, but when he answered his words were a mere croak.

"I do."

"You do what?" Mike pressed, watching Elliot roll his eyes in response. He knew that he was pushing his limits but he also knew that Elliot had to give up his control if he wanted to be able to follow him. Still he was thinking hard, his disputing feelings visible in the deep frown that creased his forehead.

"I trust you," he finally whispered.

"Great," Mike murmured back, seduction in his tone. "Then come here, gorgeous, kiss me."

Desire darkened his green eyes when he looked at Elliot. In return Elliot felt drawn to him. He got lost in these dark depths and leaned just a bit forward, painfully slowly closing in on Mike's face.

When their lips touched white lightning shot through Elliot's body. It felt as if he had burned himself and he flinched back. The following groan made him lean in again and once more he tried to claim Mike's mouth with his own.

His lips were trembling as he felt with them for Mike's. They fluttered over each other in a mere shadow of a kiss, or a promise of more. For a few seconds it was as thrilling as fireworks, sparks flying over the sensitive skin.

Then Elliot backed out. Violently he turned his head aside but instead of pushing Mike away and running, his arms wrapped around the older man's body, enclosing him in a crushing embrace.

"If we're going to keep playing follow the leader, maybe it's time you took the lead for a while," Elliot rasped.

Mike just felt the almost desperate embrace and the shivering. Elliot's muscles were hard.

_You may be right, but you really feel as if you're going to explode. Maybe we should stop it here and now…_

tbc…


	10. Passion

**Strange Attraction**

Law & Order: SVU 

by RoadrunnerGER

_Disclaimer_: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

A/N: Thanks for your reviews. :D So this is torture? LOL Well, I can't just kill them, huh? ;) Let's see what will happen…

**10**

**Passion**

It was a reflex, a reaction caused by Elliot's obvious fear, that Mike finally let go of him and turned around, backing out of the embrace.

_What…?!_

Elliot was left in his dust, stunned. His behind still was prickling from Mike's caresses and he was hoping that there was more where it came from. He did not know how much he would have to be pushed from here, but he knew that he _definitely_ did not want to stop. _Not now!_

"Mike?" he croaked, reaching out for him. He grasped his shoulders and stepped closer to him again, leaning against his back. Hesitantly he started to caress the strong curves of Mike's shoulders. "Is it because of me?" he whispered, fear still mingling in. Mike's rejection had hurt.

"Yeah," Mike grumbled, unable to keep the frustration out of his voice.

"What did I do wrong?"

_Do you really have to ask?_ Mike thought. Then he was surprised by fluttering kisses on the back of his neck. They were so soft that he was not sure at first if he really felt them, but yes, Elliot was kissing him. At once this realization stirred his arousal. Still he did not want to rush it… make him feel forced into something.

Slowly he turned into the embrace, but when he was so far that he offered his mouth instead of his neck, Elliot flinched back once more. Mike rolled his eyes.

"You're doing it again!" he complained, twisting and turning in Elliot's arms.

"I know," Elliot replied in a pained whisper, trying to stop him. "I don't know how to stop it."

Mike almost would have laughed out loud, but he bit it back just in time. Laughter might have destroyed the fragile tender mood Elliot was in. _If I would only know how to turn it into passion…_

"You gotta let go," he whispered in his ear. "The way you're reacting now makes me feel like I'm raping you."

"Don't joke about something like that," Elliot grumbled, memories of his stressful job suddenly flashing before his inner eye.

"I'm not joking," Mike huffed with frustration, turning away from him again. "Each time I try to loosen you up you get more tense. I keep expecting you to burst into tears and beg me to stop. That's not funny. I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to stop, but I can't do this, I _won't_ do this when you're so afraid."

These words pierced Elliot's heart.

"Maybe you're the one who's too afraid."

"Me? What do you mean?" Mike panted in surprise.

"You're too afraid of hurting me or scaring me or freaking me out or hell, I don't know what, to just _do_ something," Elliot explained. "I'm not going to break or dissolve into tears like a little girl... at least I don't think I will cry, but unless you push me a little, I don't know if I'll ever be able to go through with this, and I do want to."

Surprised by his own words Elliot lost his voice again. It took him quite an effort to continue while he reached out for the older man once more. Caressing his shoulders and upper arms he waited for Mike's decision. "Don't stop," he pleaded once more. "I don't know what I need from you. I… just know that you… led us on a path I didn't know was there and before I knew what happened I went one step too far. I… I can't go back. I… need what you're offering me. My only choice is to finish what we started."

Waiting for Mike's reaction he continued to stroke him. _What else does he want? C'mon, Mike!_ "You know," he whispered, a small smirk cracking his features, "I'm a special victims cop. I know the definition of consensual sex."

These words and the gentle caresses got to Mike. Chills shot down his back. _He's beyond the point of no return! _His pulse started to thump faster. _One more try._ _Just one._ And he turned around.

"You said you trust me?"

"I _do_ trust you," Elliot replied, his voice faltering. One look into the emerald eyes, fiery with passion, made him doubt his decision. _Don't back out this time,_ he ordered himself. His breaths were erratic, his mouth still slightly open. A sight that turned Mike on, more than his almost complete nudity alone could.

"Okay," Mike rasped, reaching up to cup Elliot's cheek with his left hand. Smoothing his thumb over the soft lips he started to explore. It took not too long until Elliot closed his eyes and Mike decided to advance. He changed to his index finger and followed each curve of the flesh around his mouth. Then he entered with his finger and Elliot did not even flinch back when he touched his tongue. Rubbing over the bottom lip Mike retreated again. _It's time._

"Just stay like this," he whispered.

His right arm wrapped around Elliot's waist, pulling him real tight, his left hand sliding behind his neck. Before Elliot could do as much as gasp for breath he was drawn into a kiss. Their open mouths met and Elliot was trapped between Mike's face and hand, both sides applying pressure. His back ached under the crunching grip. Panic hit him full force. He felt assaulted and his first thought was escape.

Mike winced when strong fingernails scraped over his back. Where he was scratched his skin was burning and he imagined dark lines marking his skin, but he did not let go. Now he had to hold him, come hell or high water. Right now he felt rather in hell because Elliot struggled against him, fingernails digging into his flesh.

Then Elliot realized that Mike did not move anymore. He just held him in this almost brutal embrace, waiting. His panic subsided and he released his iron grip on Mike's back, but he could not shake off his other tension. It was still fueled by the unfamiliar sensation of Mike's lips on his, stealing his breath.

When he could bring himself to concentrate on details he noticed that the pressure slightly lessened. His lips were teased by Mike's gently working mouth… and then he felt the tip of his hot tongue flick over them. So far it did not try to enter, just brushed over his lips, trying to make him open up wider.

Elliot's eyes flew wide open as he realized that he gave in to the urging while his mind still tried to process what was happening. Still Mike did not try to invade his oral cavity and he was grateful that he was willing to grant him more time.

How long Mike held him like this Elliot could not tell. It could have been seconds, minutes or even hours… he did not know. Once his head was given free he backed up an inch, taking a few deep breaths. On the back of his neck he still felt Mike's fingers, but now they were caressing him, lightly massaging the small hollow where he was especially sensitive.

A broad smirk spread on Mike's face when he saw Elliot close his eyes again and felt him lean into the touch. When he had comforted him earlier he had already noticed that this was one of his lover's sensitive spots, and now he shamelessly took advantage of that fact. Increasing the pressure a bit he drew him in for another kiss.

This time Elliot reacted more willingly, but still his reluctance was obvious. While he opened up readily to light urging, his body still went rigid as soon as the advances started.

_I didn't expect him to be that much work,_ Mike thought, _but he sure as hell is worth all the effort._

So he continued with his gentle assault, kissing, probing, trying to find the _one_ _button_ which would finally set Elliot's passion off. Slowly he pushed his tongue between Elliot's lips and found that he was allowed to explore a bit more this time.

_We're making progress, at a snail's pace, but progress. Come on, El… let me!_

Yes, Elliot let him in, but that was all… he remained passive. Then Mike let go of him, but only to let his hands roam over his body again, searching for other spots that were either ticklish or erogenous. After a short while Elliot matched his moves and Mike wondered what he should do next.

Following a sudden impulse he took Elliot's arms and brought them behind his back where he grabbed the wrists over cross. Elliot's eyes went wide as saucers and he bucked, but Mike held him firmly.

"Shhh… You can trust me." _Well, it worked for the other kiss…_

And he bent over to search for his nipples. Softly licking and sucking he teased first one and then the other. They went hard instantly.

Elliot gasped, leaning back in their intertwined arms. Still he tried to wind his hands out of Mike's grip. They were halfhearted struggles, but still Mike had to hold on strongly.

Then Mike stopped, straightening up.

Even as Elliot still strained against his hold, his clear blue eyes held trust. Breathing hard he stood and waited. Mike had robbed him of his means to respond. His hands opened and closed in an unconsciously luring gesture. Like the hand on the back of his head earlier had kept him from flinching back, he was now forced to remain still, letting Mike do what he pleased.

With that realization his arms slowly relaxed, as did his body. He leaned against Mike more readily. And now that he was not busy shivering, he also felt Mike's excitement.

So he did not avoid him when Mike closed in for another kiss. Opening up for him he felt his tongue seeking entrance. It brushed over his lips, from the corner around the firm yet soft flesh. Then it dove deeper in, touching his own tongue which reacted readily. Both tongues were dancing around each other, flicking over the inside of Elliot's mouth, eliciting first joyful moans from him.

It took another short while of this teasing until Elliot relaxed in Mike's embrace. When this kiss ended he looked at Mike with a mixture of incredulity and longing and Mike could not help but kiss him again. This time he let go of his colleague's arms which wrapped around him immediately.

Inwardly Mike chuckled. _That's what you want now, huh? Won't get it…_

And with that he straightened up, twisting a bit and positioning Elliot's arms on his shoulders.

"Hey! What…?" Now Elliot was confused.

Their eyes met and Mike saw passion flicker in the blue irises along with still lingering insecurity. Smiling encouragingly Mike started to put his plan into motion.

Holding his eye contact, he let his hands slide on Elliot's hips and blew his breath on his chest. As slowly as he could he moved his hands down over his hips, shoving them under the rim of his briefs until he finally cupped his butt cheeks. Gently squeezing Mike tested his reaction.

Elliot's breath came strained, but he did not look as if he would be about to object. For some unknown reason his bare butt was not as difficult to offer as his mouth. Unmoving he waited for whatever Mike had in mind.

So Mike slid his hands further down, over the thighs, taking the briefs with him. Once more Elliot moaned, this time clearly audible.

_But he's still so tense,_ Mike noticed, kneeling down in front of his colleague without breaking eye contact and feeling the hard muscles in Elliot's calves. Then he smiled at the obvious signs of Elliot's excitement. _Did I mistake it for anxiety?_

He did not need to urge Elliot to lift his feet to get the briefs off. Pushing them aside he then laid his hands back on his butt cheeks.

And this time Elliot was fully aware of his touch. Just the initial light touch was enough to make his whole backside prickle. He felt a strong pull in his loins and he instinctively straightened up his posture. Yet he hesitated to explore himself, still processing the reactions of his own body.

Still his hands were on Mike's shoulders, but he did not keep them there for support anymore. He touched because he wanted to touch, he wanted to caress, to give pleasure. And he was ready to be given pleasure.

Looking down he met the gaze of Mike who blew his breath on Elliot's belly button. At once his stomach muscles tensed. Chuckling softly Mike bent forward and kissed the same spot. From there he licked and kissed his way upwards towards Elliot's chest. For a second he was undecided where to turn and then chose the right nipple for his next assault. At first he teased it with his lips, nipping and then sucking on it, before he cautiously took it with his teeth.

"Oooohhhh!" Elliot moaned, throwing his head back.

Mike grinned to himself and changed to the left side of Elliot's chest where he repeated the procedure. By the time he started to kiss a trail up to his throat Elliot was panting with delight. Squinting down he was watching Mike. When he reached his neck, Elliot had to bend his head back to grant him access.

Over his throat Mike kissed and licked a trail up his neck. Moans escaped Elliot. When Mike reached his chin he lowered his head again… until their lips met.

This time the sparks were flying. Even as it started lightly, their lips only fluttering over each other, it became deeper by the second. Elliot was the one who teased Mike into opening his mouth for him, but Mike stuck his tongue out, entering Elliot's cave before he could be taken by him. He wanted to see how far Elliot would go. Would he take over the initiative now?

Mike's thoughts were interrupted by being grabbed around his waist and shoulders, pulled into a strong hug and lips pressing firmly on his own. Elliot's embrace tightened and his caresses became more demanding. He wanted to taste him.

_Taste him!_ Elliot realized. _Wow! It actually feels great! I want to taste him. Mike!_

_Wow,_ Mike thought. _Now that's a nice surprise._ Inwardly grinning he surrendered himself to Elliot's next kiss, the other man's tongue slipping between his lips, pushing confidently inside, exploring. No hint of hesitation remained. With every flick of his tongue Elliot showed Mike what good he could do with it and felt Mike caress him in return.

When they finally parted Mike gasped for breath. His hands were roaming over Elliot's body, exploring and testing. Realizing that they still stood in the living room, Mike decided that it was time to take the next step.

_Will he be willing to take it?_ Mike wondered. _Or will he cop out again?_

Afraid to rush it, Mike continued caressing Elliot. Their bodies were shoving against each other in their tight embrace and with a rush of excitement Mike noticed that Elliot actively tried to snuggle up even closer.

Suddenly Elliot felt Mike take his forearms. Placing them behind his neck and drawing Elliot closer again, Mike dove into another deep kiss. Licking over his teeth and tickling the roof of his lover's mouth with the tip of his tongue, he let his hands run up and down his sides, teasing him. Goosebumps settled on Elliot's back, when the touches caused more intense shivers than before. Was that due to the fact that keeping his arms up and wrapping them around the back of Mike's neck was leaving his body exposed? Elliot wanted to pull out of the kiss, but could not bring himself to back off. Not a single thought about rights and wrongs crossed his mind anymore. Everything felt so natural that he readily opened for Mike's kiss. His hot tongue touched his throat and he choked involuntarily.

With that he gasped into Mike's mouth, making him moan, and with this moan air rushed into his own oral cavity. His eyes flew wide open with the sensation. Another exhaled breath tickled Elliot and he used his tongue to brush away the feeling… touching Mike's and eliciting another gasp from him.

That made Elliot's legs go weak and he reeled back. Now he found his grip on Mike quite useful. Around his body he felt a strong arm supporting him… but the fingertips were teasing his skin. He offered himself without reserve now and when he was touched all his nerves reacted violently and with him arching in Mike's hold he released his embrace.

Not wanting Elliot to let go of his neck, Mike urged him to keep his arms in place.

"Hold on," he mumbled between nuzzling his neck and kissing him.

He let one hand slide over Elliot's left thigh, feeling him shiver and trying to judge if he should do it or not… but then he bent deeper into the embrace and took hold of the hollow of the leg and pulled it up.

"What are you doing?" Elliot panted.

Grunting in reply, Mike started to shove Elliot backwards. He reached for the right leg, too, but had to realize that he could not lift his lover's whole weight.

"That's not going to work," Elliot chuckled into Mike's mouth, instinctively grabbing Mike harder when he felt his feet leave the ground. Mike was moving and with frightening clarity Elliot realized where he intended to go. Well, he would not defend himself, but the way Mike was trying to get him into the bedroom probably would just get them hurt instead.

"Mike, stop," he murmured in his ear, amused. "Don't! Are you out of your mind? I'm way too heavy for you to carry me!"

"Grrrr… I'd love to," Mike grumbled, nibbling at his earlobe.

"You'll get yourself hurt… and me, too, if you let me fall." Elliot laughed good-naturedly and was relieved when Mike joined in.

Reluctantly, Mike let go of Elliot's left leg, and, pressing in close for another passionate kiss, he forced Elliot to back up a step. When Elliot backed away, Mike moved to attack a nipple once again, pressing hard against Elliot's chest, he backed him up another step. Moving gradually across the floor, he gently shoved him towards the bedroom. As Mike continued his passionate assault Elliot just clung to him and did his best to keep his balance. Mike's strong arms circled around him to keep him from falling, but time and again Mike's closeness threatened to topple him over and he had to keep backing up. Mike's attentions were so overwhelming that Elliot could not see where he was right then and moaned with surprise when he was eventually lowered backwards and cool fabric met his bare backside as Mike sat him down on the bed covers.

Elliot jumped with the sudden sensation. How the heck could sheets be so exciting?

His arms still wrapped around Mike's neck he held him close and once more they shared an intense kiss. Then Mike wound out of the grip and gently shoved Elliot down on the bed. Lying on his back, Elliot felt a bit cornered, but he was way beyond stopping himself or Mike. His body yearned for his lover's caresses and was starting to itch when Mike did not continue right away.

Sitting right next to him Mike now quit kissing, and Elliot reached out for him in an attempt to keep him going. Then he gasped. Mike had found his nipples instead, biting softly down on the left, while he pinched the right with his fingernails.

Drawing circles on Elliot's stomach with his fingertips, Mike's other hand wandered further downwards, finding his navel and playing with it. Teasing fingers and then tongue worked on making Elliot arch up to him. They flicked over the hole in his stomach and over his chest, leaving trails of burning flesh.

Kissing, licking, pinching, tickling… Elliot moaned. His blood was boiling and down below he felt a familiar throbbing.

He also felt Mike's hand smooth over his thigh. It was moving excruciatingly slowly, making him ache for more.

_What is he waiting for?_

Elliot lay and concentrated on his body and the strange, yet familiar, sensations he was feeling. Obviously Mike did not intend to slide his hand between to find his target. On his side he felt the other man lie down beside him. Snuggling close up to him he settled down and lazily let his hand roam over the thigh up to Elliot's stomach again.

"Mike?"

"What, Elliot?" His voice was low and slightly quivering with growing agitation.

Suddenly realizing what Mike was expecting him to do, he let his hand wander from his shoulder over his side. Though he was a few years older than Elliot, Mike had a well toned body and only a hint of love handles. Following the curve of his hips Elliot proceeded to his backside.

He rubbed over the spot that had made him writhe in pleasant agony. Groaning, Mike tensed up and shifted against Elliot who suddenly found himself being covered. Something smoothed over the sensitive tip, which made him groan, too.

Once more Mike kissed him deeply and Elliot gasped into his mouth. Unable to break the kiss, he had to feel his way to his aim. When he reached it he took it confidently, sensing that he could do just what he liked, too. He felt Mike's hand return the favor, causing thrilling sensations. With every mutual stroke their passion grew and finally they drifted away on waves of excitement.

tbc…


	11. Afterglow

**Strange Attraction**

Law & Order: SVU

by RoadrunnerGER

_Disclaimer_: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

A/N: Thanks for your reviews. I really appreciate them. (sorry, es ging nicht schneller) :D Now about this chapter: After reading my reviews (thanks again "winks") I decided to try and show more _action_. That's not so easy taking into consideration that M is the highest rating on . Anyway, this chapter is for my faithful readers. Enjoy!

**11**

**Afterglow**

It was still dark outside when Elliot woke up. So he just lay and enjoyed the silence… and the warmth of the body behind him.

An arm snaked around him and when he took a deep breath, he felt a thumb caress his chest. He smiled to himself. The intimate touch did not fail its effect. Shifting backwards Elliot snuggled closer up to Mike.

"Did I wake you up?" Mike murmured.

"No. I don't think so."

"Okay…"

Mike put his leg over Elliot's and pulled him even closer.

"What's that for?" Elliot teased.

"I just want to feel you."

"Hm hmmm." Right now Elliot did not mind his touch. What he still did not know was how he would feel about what they did tomorrow, but to his own surprise he did not care.

"You don't regret it, do you?" Mike asked.

Elliot chuckled lowly. "Does it feel to you as if I'd regret it?"

"Hmmm… nope."

Both men just cuddled up to each other. So they lay for quite a while. Elliot felt strangely shepherded and protected. Usually he wanted his partner, his wife, to feel that way. Then Mike slowly started to caress Elliot, causing shivers.

Mike grinned. _Are we going to get an encore?_

Trailing circles on Elliot's chest, he searched for its center. It already was a firm nub when he found it. Then he felt Elliot shift position and in the next moment his lips were covered by Elliot's. He returned the kiss willingly.

Then Elliot turned away and chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Mike asked, perplexed.

Elliot could not answer right away. "I did not expect you to still trigger such a reaction," he finally said.

"Oh! Thanks." He could not hide a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Oh, sorry, Mike," Elliot rushed to assure him. "It wasn't meant to come out like that." He could almost sense his frown. "I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry. It's me… that… I was not sure if I would react to you… like I did earlier."

_Hmmm… obviously you do. _Mike could clearly feel proof under his hand.

"That's just a normal physical reaction," Mike said. "An itchy shirt would produce the same results."

He felt Elliot tense in his arms again. _What the hell did I say now?_

"Is that all this was, Mike? Just physical?" Elliot asked. "They sell toys for that. Hell, I can name more than a few street corners where they sell flesh for that!" He threw the covers aside and rolled away to get out of the bed when Mike wrapped his arm around his waist and held on tightly.

"Let me go!" Elliot demanded, but he did not struggle.

Elliot was strong enough to get away from him if he wanted. The fact that he didn't made Mike think that he wanted a reason to stay.

"Not until you tell me what I said to piss you off."

"Those things you said last night," it burst out of Elliot, "did you mean them, or did you just say them because you wanted to sleep with me?"

Mike was stunned. "What things, specifically?"

_Why do you have to ask? That only makes it more painful! You know exactly what I mean!_ Elliot was hurt, but did not want to let it show. When he answered, his voice still was low and miserable, almost as if he was expecting to be ridiculed for what he was about to say. "You told me I was a good cop and a nice guy, and that I deserved to have a good opinion about myself. Did you mean it, or were you just manipulating me?"

"Turn over and look at me, Elliot," Mike told him at once, emphatically. He waited for a moment, and when Elliot did not do as he asked, he said, "Please?"

With a wretched sigh, Elliot rolled over. In the first silver light of dawn, he could see Mike's dark eyes, the compassion on his face, and he could almost hope Mike had told him the truth last night.

Elliot's face was still deep in shadow, but Mike did not need to see his expression to know what he was feeling. From how Elliot held his body he could tell that he was tense, nervous, and uncertain again.

"We don't know each other well enough to offer any declarations of love," Mike told him, and he heard Elliot sigh sadly, "and if you're honest with yourself, I think you know that's not what you want, anyway."

"I know that," Elliot whispered, "but what you said last night, I kind of hoped you meant it." He began to pull away again, saying, "It was nice to think for a while that you wanted to be with me, but if you just wanted to be with a body, I'd better go. You might think I have a low opinion of myself, but at least I respect myself enough to want the person I sleep with to have some kind of respect for me."

Mike smiled slightly and held on tighter, saying, "See, that's exactly what I meant last night, Elliot. I wouldn't have spent the night with someone unless I liked him, trusted him, and genuinely enjoyed his company, but you doubt your own worth so much that one idle comment makes you doubt me, too. The people who care about you aren't faking, Elliot. I wasn't faking last night."

"So, you meant what you said?"

"Yeah, I did. I just wish you could believe it." Another thought crossed his mind. It was risky… but finally he decided to say it aloud. "I know a way to show you for sure, but something's telling me that you never would let me… do that for you."

Frowning deeply Elliot looked at Mike.

"You can bet I won't," he finally answered.

"What a bummer…" Mike chuckled, indicating that he was not the least bit angry or disappointed. "C'mon," he urged, bowing to him to kiss him softly.

Elliot responded, letting Mike's tongue in and entering in return in a seemingly endless kiss. While they kissed Mike shifted closer to Elliot again, snaking his arm around him and pulling him closer. And Elliot let it happen.

"Hmmm… convincing?" Mike whispered when their lips parted, letting kisses on Elliot's neck and shoulder follow.

"Yeeeaaah," Elliot gasped, his voice shaky. He just could lie next to Mike, letting the more experienced man explore his body with his mouth. Now the two buds on his chest were teased again by Mike's lips and fingers, then the fingertips of both of Mike's hands continued this task while Mike shifted his position to follow an invisible trail down Elliot's body. Now he kissed his navel.

"Oooooooh," Elliot moaned as Mike sucked on the hole, then pushed his tongue in, then sucked again… going on doing both in turns, still teasing the hard buds on Elliot's chest. "Miiiiiiike!"

But Mike just chuckled at Elliot's growing agitation, his breath tickling his navel. That agitation was what he intended! He would not stop, not now, not anytime soon. Well, he finally let go of Elliot's navel, letting his tongue run down his stomach in circles. Just before he came too deep, he raised his head, but did not stop the other teasing.

What he saw gratified him. Elliot was lying on his now arched back, head bent back, mouth open, lips quivering, eyes closed. His hands clawed at the covers. His breathing was erratic.

Mike rejoiced in this sight and sound. Then he blew on his aim, making Elliot even more tense.

"I know that you wouldn't return it, but… will you let me do _that_ for you?" he asked, certain that he made his intentions clear.

Elliot could not answer. He was way too busy just breathing. Instead he simply opened his legs to grant Mike better access to what he desired.

And Mike was tempted to just go for it and do what he yearned to do. But then he reveled a moment longer in the sight of Elliot, how he was waiting for him to go on… and remembered that he still was unfamiliar with it. _I should not take advantage of him,_ Mike thought.

"Elliot?" he softly asked, but got no response. "Elliot."

"Yeeeaah?" he shakily asked back.

"Elliot, please answer me. Are you okay with me doing that?"

His body tensed and he moaned. "Why do you have to talk now?" he whined. Still he buried his fingers in the covers, trying somehow to control himself.

"I don't want to take advantage of you… to misinterpret the signals you're giving me. I need your permission," Mike tried to explain himself. It took him quite an effort to restrain himself, but he sensed that it was necessary.

"There's… nothing to… misinterpret," Elliot gasped, raising his hips unconsciously.

"Okay…"

Mike reveled in the first touch, heard Elliot pant and did his best to give him pleasure.

And pleasure it was that Elliot felt when Mike continued with his advances. Surrendering himself to his colleague's caresses his defenses completely crumbled and allowed his senses to be susceptible to the lightest touches.

Tremors coursed through Elliot's body when he sensed the assault of Mike's tongue.

After Mike's thorough preparation he had expected his lover to just go for it, but once more Mike took his time to tease him. The bristle of Mike's beard was scratchy against his sensitive skin.

Even Mike's low breath tickled and Elliot longingly awaited to feel more than just that. Every now and then a flick of tongue caressed a random part of his legs, leaving the spot prickling.

Elliot could not remember the last time he had felt like that. It sure was a long time ago. Actually he wondered if he ever felt like _that_. What Mike was doing was not new to him, but that a male did it to him was a whole new experience.

Still that fact did not influence his perceptions.

Only when Elliot sensed the next featherlight kiss he realized that Mike had been gone for a few moments. Feeling around Elliot confirmed that Mike was not beside him anymore, and if he was not on his side there was just one place where he could be…

On the outside of his thighs Elliot felt exploring fingertips graze him. They wandered up to his knees to pause there, drawing circles around his kneecap, then they left a tickling trail on their way to his hips, an action which put his restraint to the test.

And still Mike refused to allow his lips to claim what was readily offered. Elliot was sure that it cost Mike everything he had to go that slowly and that his own excitement had to rise torturously.

Clawing at the covers he was lying on Elliot tried to keep his emotions in check. With every caress his pleasure increased and little by little he lost control. He had no ear for the sounds he made or that he was writhing under the excruciatingly slow advances of Mike on his secret places.

Mike's hands did not stay on Elliot's thighs. They wandered up over the hips and to his waist. His side was ticklish and so the pleasant agony was even intensified now.

Then Elliot felt Mike's strong hands brush over his forearms and backs of his hands. Barely grazing the strokes pushed Elliot up on the crest of the next wave and he thought he was going to burst.

Which proved to be an understatement when Mike suddenly grabbed his wrists to hold on tight…

Arching his back Elliot tried to wind out of the steely grip as Mike caused sensory overload with his next pleasurable assault and it was all he could do not to kick.

Desperately Elliot tried to meet him. Suddenly, unexpectedly, the sensations even increased and Elliot cried out in pleasant agony.

Taken by surprise by the intense reaction Mike backed out and watched how Elliot slumped down on he covers, panting.

Mike marveled at the sight his lover's perfectly built body offered, glistening with sweat. For him Elliot really was that, perfect.

All Elliot could do right then was breathe. He had no energy left to move. All he wanted to do was revel in the afterglow, anyways.

Glow was the right word to describe it because his body still was burning from his heat of passion. In his chest he felt his heart beat and the rushing blood made his temples throb. A small smile cracked his features.

On his left side Elliot felt more caresses. Mike's fingertips crawled along his body and left a tickling trail. Then two fingers massaged his right chest, first around its center and then the firm bud. More caresses followed, covered his whole upper body, and triggered renewed shivers.

_I can't believe it! Usually I'd fall asleep now!_

But he was far from that. On the contrary he felt tremors course through his system when Mike continued to tease his chest.

Elliot reached out for Mike. His hot body was right next to him and he let his hand run over the strong arm up to the shoulder. From there his fingers found their way behind Mike's head. They threaded through his hair and drew him further down.

When Elliot opened his eyes he stared directly into sparkling green irises.

And Mike stared down into the clear sapphires with wonder. They held nothing but passion and trust. So Mike shifted his position and laid down next to Elliot, so close that he snuggled against him. With his right hand he cupped Elliot's cheek, caressing him with his thumb.

"You know that you're driving me wild with that, right?" Mike murmured.

Elliot frowned with open curiosity, really not knowing what Mike meant.

"When you leave them open…" Mike rasped and let his index finger trace Elliot's lips. Then he bent forward.

Sucking in a sharp breath Elliot flinched deeper into the pillow but could not really avoid Mike who stopped short and drew back an inch.

"Scared?" he whispered.

Unable to answer Elliot just could nod.

"You don't have to be."

Consciously Elliot knew that, but he also felt as if he was about to cross one last, final, invisible barrier. Reluctantly he allowed himself to give in to Mike's fondling. Before Mike's lips claimed his own in a light kiss he closed his eyes again.

The touch was thrilling. Opening up to Mike, Elliot let his tongue in. Accepting it inside led to Mike intensifying the kiss. It became more passionate and chills shot through Elliot's system as he took in both their tastes.

His grip on Mike became stronger, pulling him into the kiss. Then he took his shoulder, too, and rolled over, taking Mike with him. Now the older detective was the one lying on his back. Still they did not break the kiss, Elliot even took over the initiative. His hand still was in Mike's hair and he reveled in ruffling it, because that was something he had wanted to do since the start of their tryst_,_ when he had realized that a desire for Mike was slowly growing inside of him. When he finally backed out Mike gasped for breath. Then he grinned and winked at Elliot.

_Go on!_ he thought. _I won't stop you._

And Elliot did not stop. This time he bowed down for the kiss, deep and longing. His hand roamed over Mike's shoulder down to his chest while he kissed his way from Mike's mouth, over his chin down to his neck. His way led him to the earlobe which he nibbled on. Then he followed a muscle along the neck and further down to Mike's chest.

Just for a second Elliot hesitated before his lips closed around the already firm nub. With his tongue he continued to tease it. His left hand mirrored his moves on the other side of Mike's chest. Then Elliot started to suckle.

Lost in reverie Mike closed his eyes for a moment, but then he could not stand it any longer. Putting one arm under his head for support he watched Elliot.

_That's what I was dreaming of,_ Mike thought. His chest prickled under Elliot's teasing. _Oh, Elliot! Yes! Go on!_

Excruciatingly slow, due to just a hint of hesitation as well as to his desire to torture Mike as Mike had tormented him, Elliot let his tongue circle over Mike's body. Strained breathing and languorous shudders were his reward for his efforts.

When he finally reached Mike's navel and started to explore it he had to pause. Feeling Mike's hand on his cheek he looked up at him.

His head resting on his forearm Mike never lost sight of Elliot. Of course he noticed that Elliot's advances slowed down. If he could reassure him somehow he would do it.

"What's up, gorgeous? Is something wrong?" he wanted to know, a seductive smile cracking his features.

Suddenly Elliot had a lump in his throat. As long as he did not think about what he was doing everything had been fine. What should he answer now?

"Don't know…" he whispered.

Mike's smile broadened. "Whatever you'll do or not do will be fine," Mike told him. "Don't stress yourself. Let's just share pleasures. Do whatever you're comfortable with."

Elliot just could nod. He trusted Mike and once he had crossed the line it was not as if he just could turn around and go as if nothing had happened. Combined with his natural curiosity as well as with his rising passion his doubts had no chance at all. For another moment he enjoyed Mike's caress, then he continued his own advances, going down deeper and deeper until he was close to his lover's lap.

Elliot's skilled hands worked Mike's hips and buttocks and his light massages elicited first sounds of joy from Mike. Slowly exploring his partner Elliot increased his excitement. Now Mike's breaths came strained, sure signs of his growing agitation.

Seeing that he had achieved the response he had intended Elliot now focused his attention on bringing his partner the same pleasure he had just received. He did not need much to push Mike up on a crest and when Elliot finally abandoned all restraint it now was Mike who was writhing and clawing at the covers. Crying out loud Mike reached his peak and then they both dropped on the bed beside each other.

Snuggling up close and exchanging light caresses neither of them wanted to move. They just lay there and reveled in the presence of the other.

"You're not mad at me, are you?" Mike finally broke the silence. He could not deny that he was a bit worried when he did not hear a sound from Elliot, so he tried to get an assurance.

"No, I'm not," Elliot murmured. "Only if you should tell anyone about tonight, I'll have to kill you!"

Mike chuckled, pulling him even closer. They shared another deep and passionate kiss before they settled down and went to sleep.

tbc…

* * *

A/N: So, now I'm the curious one. LOL

The original version would have ended with "…and did his best to give him pleasure" somewhere in the middle. When I finished this version I compared it with "Valley of Horses" and discussed with three other authors if they think this is still M. LOL I toned it down, but I have to admit that I'm still worried putting it up here, so PLEASE let me know what you think about it! Reviews are always nice, but for this one… well, I can only kindly ask you to PLEASE give me feedback.

I think about joining a site where you can put up NC-17 stories. Do you know a good one?


	12. Confusion

**Strange Attraction**

Law & Order: SVU

by RoadrunnerGER

_Disclaimer_: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and thanks to my beta-reader. :D Enjoy!

**12**

**Confusion**

_Oh, my God! I can't believe it! How could I tell her that?_

Agitated Elliot shifted his sitting position. Actually he was not even sure if he had described these vivid memories aloud or if he got lost in reverie.

Still Elliot was avoiding Olivia's eyes. He was not even sure why he had told her the whole fucking story. _Now she'll laugh at me,_ he thought. _Damn! Why did I tell her__? How _much_ have I told her__?_ He wished for a hole to vanish into and braced himself for her taunts.

"First and only time. I swear," he mumbled.

"So I take it that you enjoyed it," Olivia said quite seriously.

Astonished he looked at her.

_He definitely didn't expect this reaction. _She tried not to chuckle.

"Seriously… you did enjoy it, didn't you?"

Obviously he was thinking hard about how to answer this question. Olivia saw his brows knitting and he was chewing on his bottom lip.

"But I'm not gay!" he finally exclaimed, a bit louder than he intended… because she was right, he _did_ enjoy it.

"I know you're not gay." Olivia could not help smirking. It was kind of amusing to see a man his age become suddenly so confused about his sexuality.

"And I'd never been with a man before that Friday night," he told her.

"Okay. So, at least for now you're bi-curious."

"I'm what? _Bi-curious_? What the hell does that mean? Did you just make that up?"

"No," she told him with a slight frown. "It means just what it says. You're curious about bisexuality."

"But I'm not bisexual!" he insisted. "I had never considered trying it with a man before."

"You can say whatever you want in the hard, cold light of day, Elliot, but that Friday night, you were most definitely bi-curious."

"How do you know?"

_His confusion is so sweet…_ "Because if you weren't Mike would be in hospital now, and you could very likely be in jail." Inwardly she chuckled. It had been, for him, a disturbing experience: After more then twenty years of successful marriage and long years working Special Victims, he finally found out that he could enjoy a male. "Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's pretty late for you but you're not the only one to go through it. When I was in school I was together with a girl for five months."

He raised his eyebrows at her.

"Yes, we were a couple," she answered his unspoken question. "Doing everything that is connected with being a couple, even toys." She grinned. "It can be fun."

"Don't tell me the rumors are true!" he gasped.

"Which rumors?" now she frowned. His gaze was too astonished to be faked.

"You and Casey," he breathed. "Don't tell me you're together with Casey."

"What…?" her voice trailed off. Then she started laughing. "You really want an answer?" she finally gasped between laughter.

Elliot nodded.

"No, we're not together," Olivia said, but made a pause that indicated that there was still something to come. "Not anymore."

Openmouthed her partner stared at her.

"You're joking." One look into her eyes told him the truth. "No, you're not joking." He swallowed. "For how long?"

"We were together for almost one year," Olivia told him honestly.

"I never would have thought that you are… a lesbian," he searched for the right word, his confusion still audible in his voice.

"I'm not a lesbian. If I'm a lesbian you're gay."

"I only slept with him just once!"

"Okay, I slept with her more often, but I'm not lesbian. I prefer men… but I can also enjoy women."

"That's what Mike said about him and men."

Olivia chuckled. "Everyone is drawn to the same sex sometime during his life. Usually during puberty." Her smile became warmer when she tried to lock with his eyes now. "That's why I said that it would be late for you. But _why_ am I telling _you_ that?"

Her low chuckle made Elliot uneasy. He knew what she meant. Working special victims they both went through special training.

"You're wondering now about your sexuality?" Olivia asked. "About your preferences? Are you afraid you might become gay?"

His embarrassment really was cute. Still smiling she leaned forward and before he could protest, she pressed her lips on his to kiss him deeply.

"And?" she asked when she finally backed off. "What did you feel?"

He turned such a dark crimson that Olivia wondered if there was blood left in the rest of his body. Then she noticed the bulge in his pants and knew there had to be some, somewhere.

After what felt like an eternity he mumbled, "Incestuous."

"What?" Olivia chuckled incredulously given his physical reaction.

"Liv, you're like a sister to me…" His blush turned even darker as he realized that his body spoke a different language. "I could never… that's out of the question."

A broad smile cracked Olivia's features.

"So, let's pretend I'm not your partner… what would you feel then?"

"Straight," he answered without hesitation but with a grunted laugh. "I've always thought that you're a stunning and classy lady."

Now Olivia did not feel like being stunning but was stunned by his statement, and she felt a blush creep up to her face.

"I really do," he assured her. "I just didn't think that it would be appropriate to give you compliments like that. You're my partner, Liv."

"Thank you, Elliot," she rasped with emotion. "And as we're about to make confessions… I think that you're a good cop, a great guy and the best partner one can have." She paused for a second. "And you're gorgeous."

His eyes widened and he almost would have gasped when he heard that last word.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" Olivia asked. "I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"Y-you didn't," he mumbled. "J-just memories."

Whatever memories these were, Olivia knew he would not share them and she was smart enough not to ask. Actually it might be better to change the subject.

"Well, as we clarified that, you can now go back to Kathy. Tell her about Mike. She'll understand it."

"I bet she won't."

"C'mon!" Olivia was stunned that he doubted Kathy's ability to forgive him. They were married for over twenty years. That was what had shaken him to the core. Well, yeah, that might be the reason, that he was still shaken by her walking out, leaving him with an empty house, one hell of a guilty conscience, and a strenuous job as his only support. It was difficult. "Give Kathy some credit," she said. "She will understand it as long as you're honest."

He still did not look convinced.

"If you want to reconcile with Kathy you'll have to tell her." Olivia eyed her partner closely. "Don't you think that she would be royally pissed if she found out accidentally?"

As if he would not have thought about that for the last several days! _Which way am I most likely to lose her forever? How will she react when she finds out about Mike, even if it was just the one time?_

"I don't think that we're far enough with getting back together to talk about something like that now. She just told me that she never turned in the papers… I'm scared that it would destroy everything before we could get it even started. Besides, how could she find out?"

"I don't know, Elliot, but shit happens. You know that."

"Yeah…" He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe one of the counseling sessions might be an opportunity."

Still he looked quite upset. Olivia reminded herself of something he had said earlier, that Kathy had not turned in the signed divorce papers. Olivia did not know her reasons and did not have to know them, but she knew that this fact was eating away at him. He had a mad affair while he still was married. That probably troubled him more than the fact that it was a guy who he had slept with.

Olivia felt incredibly honored by her partner's, her best friend's, trust. It certainly could not be easy for him to admit to having had an affair, especially a homosexual one! She was the first person he was confiding in and she was touched but also did not really know what to make of that fact.

Elliot still remained silent. He just sat and stared at his hands resting in his lap.

"I really am scared," he suddenly murmured. "I know that I won't be able to keep it a secret from Kathy. That's why… why I… told you." Slowly he raised his head to look at her but could only stand her gaze for a second. "I won't be able to live with having cheated on her even though I didn't know about the papers at that time."

Olivia nodded. _Yeah, that must be tough for you._

She thought about how she had noticed that the burden he carried had seemed to lift first before he tumbled down into the next… well, depression was a too strong word. At first Olivia had assumed that Elliot had been with someone. He was showing the relaxed manner which went along with the _healing powers_ of, bluntly said, getting laid for about two days before he became more silent and withdrawn.

At some point in his tale Elliot had stopped talking and Olivia could only guess what was on his mind. It must have been quite intimate and joyful memories. At least that was what she read in his dreamy features when he remembered it and she briefly wondered how far he had gone with Mike.

"Why?" he suddenly gasped.

"Why what?"

"Why Mike?"

"I don't know." It was true. Olivia could only speculate about why he had to stumble over Mike Logan who had been interested, willing and ready to offer and go through with it.

"I racked my brain over that question," Elliot murmured, "but I don't get it. Why did God send me Mike Logan of all the people I could possibly meet? During all the years with SVU I've seen a lot, experienced a lot and I don't think that I'm narrow minded… but I never ever thought about a man as… a romantic partner."

"I'm not sure if that is what happened," Olivia said.

"What? The romance? Yeah…" Thoughtfully he stared at the floor. "You're right it was not romantic in the common sense but… still it was…"

"What?" she could not help but prod when he trailed off.

Once more blood colored his cheeks.

"Hot, it was hot."

Olivia just smiled at that. There had to have been some kind of mutual attraction if Elliot was willing to abandon his longtime restraints and experiment with same sex coupling. She knew he was not the type to do something like that without an internal battle. Whatever was between the two men, it had to be strong.

"What do you think that it was? What attracted you, I mean?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know or you don't want to tell?" Olivia pushed, keeping her tone light because she did not want to scare him, make him feel cornered.

"I don't know."

For a moment Olivia thought about that. Then she tried to explain, "Maybe he sensed what you needed and offered it."

"You think he took advantage of me?" Elliot scowled. It was obvious that he did not agree with what she suggested. He feared to have made a complete idiot out of himself.

"No, El," she said. "I mean it like I said it. He might have sensed your need and responded to it."

"Hmmm."

She watched him thinking. This had been an intense talk. She sensed that he needed to be on his own for a while.

"Okay, I'm calling it a day. See you tomorrow."

Elliot nodded. A small grateful smile played around his lips. "Thanks, Liv. For everything."

She just smiled at him and waved goodbye before she left the crib.

tbc..


	13. Confession

**Strange Attraction**

Law & Order: SVU

by RoadrunnerGER

_Disclaimer_: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

A/N: Thanks for your reviews. :D I'm sorry for the long wait. Chapter thirteen was jinxed. LOL Btw… Mike will be back, but we need to reach the conclusion first. :) Enjoy.

**13**

**Confession**

Five weeks later Elliot and Kathy sat once more in the office of a marriage counselor. As Dr. Robson had finally proven a talent to piss off Elliot they had decided to try and find someone else. Dr. Beatty was a woman in her thirties, young, open minded and yet experienced enough to make them feel like they were in good hands.

Today they were talking about trust and honesty. It was not the first time they had tackled the subject, but each time they took it on, they made another step in the right direction. The _exercises_ Dr. Beatty asked them to do at home obviously seemed to work. They took their time together, just sitting with each other in their bedroom… and talked. They talked about all sorts of things until they could open up to talk about their wishes and dreams, too… and slowly got to know each other again.

Only in the last week Kathy started to suspect that there was something Elliot wanted to tell her but did not know how. His secret made him restless. It burdened their newfound relationship and made Kathy edgy. So she had decided to confront him during their session with Dr. Beatty.

"I'm glad to hear that this strategy is working out," Dr. Beatty had just said. "I get the feeling that it's releasing a lot of tension for both of you." She looked from one to the other and both nodded. Then she turned to Elliot. "Still, Kathy told me that she wants to address one subject here. Can we do that now?"

Frowning slightly he looked at his wife, but he nodded.

"Elliot," Kathy started, "there seems to be something troubling you. You don't want to talk about it at home, so I thought that we could manage to work it out here. Will you please tell me what it is?"

Elliot's heart started to thump wildly. He had known that he would finally have to talk about it but over time it had become more and more difficult. Uncertainly he looked at her, his reluctance clearly readable in his features.

"Elliot? Please."

It really seemed to torment him. His internal struggle was visible with every change of his features. Still, he did not turn away from Kathy. _That must be a good sign,_ she thought.

Both women sensed that Elliot wanted to talk, but neither of them dared to push now.

"You know, Kathy," he finally said, "in my heart we never got divorced. For me that's just a piece of paper arranging our legal affairs. But it doesn't change what I'm feeling for you."

Kathy held her breath. Often she had been under the impression that he felt that way, and she wondered why he did not act accordingly. This was the first time that he admitted to it. With surprise, she noticed that he was blushing.

"That's why I felt as if I was cheating on you when I spent one night with someone else while we were separated," he mumbled.

_That was my fault!_ Kathy felt a sudden pang of jealousy. Suspecting that Elliot was together with someone did not hurt as much as knowing it. She could not help but be hurt by his admission. _I let him believe that I gave the documents to court,_ she berated herself. _So why am I so surprised? Or hurt?_

"It was the only time I've ever been with someone other than you, Kathy," he said right then.

That admission made _her_ blush.

"It was just this one time, and…"

"Don't, El," she interrupted him. "Don't apologize. It was your right. I let you believe that we were divorced and we both have needs."

"But…"

"No. I don't want to know," she declared firmly.

"But you have to," he insisted.

"Why?" Kathy frowned. _Why is that so important for him?_ "Have you slept with Olivia?"

"What?" He was honestly surprised, no, shocked by this idea. "No!" _Still, she will freak when she finds out about Mike…_

"Um… so what's the problem? What's so bad that you think I have to know even if I tell you that I don't care?"

_Now or never!_ He took a deep breath, then another.

"Actually, I… I… spent the night… with a… man."

_What?!_

The word echoed in her agitated mind, but it never left her gaping mouth. _Did he just say that he was together with a man?_ Her heart beat like a drum in her narrowing chest. _He did not confess that he was with a man. No way has he been with a man._

"Thank you for your honesty," Dr. Beatty said when the silence threatened to suffocate them. "Kathy, I know this admission was surprising, but I want you to try and talk about it. Do you think you can do that?"

_Surprising?! Are you kidding me? My _husband_, with a _man_!_ Kathy still sat with her mouth hanging open, trying to gather her thoughts.

"Surprising doesn't even come close," Kathy finally gasped. "That's the understatement of the century."

Elliot looked quite sheepish.

_God! I can't believe it! It's too… horrible! It can't be true?!_

"Who?" Kathy suddenly asked, unable to keep her hurt out of her voice. Betrayal gnawed at her. She did not want to let it take over, but she was at a loss how to prevent it.

"No one you know," Elliot replied.

Bitterness rose. _What difference would it make if I knew the guy? Elliot with a man, for God's sake! That's ridiculous! God, I'd prefer Olivia. How could he do that to me? That's so, so… demeaning._

Looking at him made her heart ache. She could not describe the look on his face other than with pitiful. Kathy knew him so well. She could imagine that he tormented himself, especially as he had said that he never believed in their marriage being over. Having cheated on her had to be burdening him.

_And still he told me about it… after I said that I didn't want to know what he had done in the time we were 'divorced'._ She took a deep breath. _He didn't have to tell me. So why did he do it?_

_We've come so far with our sessions!_ Kathy had to bite back a sob. _I thought we had found that intimacy again that we shared in our first years._

_And that's why he told me… why he _had_ to tell me. He could not bear to revive our relationship with that burden on his shoulders._

_But how can I forgive him? I can't! It hurts so much!_

"Kathy?" Elliot mumbled, clearly embarrassed. "I'm so sorry, but I had to tell you. I… I have made my peace with it, but… how could I let us start over on that secret? It might have come out on its own eventually, so… I chose to tell you the truth now, so we can deal with it and move on with a clean slate."

He swallowed hard. Obviously he was not finished yet.

"I can understand if you can't stay married with me after what I did that night. If you finally turn in the documents I'll have to accept that. But… I… I couldn't hide from you. Keeping things from each other made us drift apart. It almost destroyed our marriage. I don't want to make the same mistake again."

A mysterious smirk played around his lips.

"I still can't tell what the magic was that night. It just felt right. For as long as it lasted it made me whole again and I don't regret it."

Seeing her mouth open to start arguing he held up one hand to stop her.

"Just one second," he pleaded. "You can believe me when I say that I was very, very surprised by what I had done."

"Surprised…" she gasped. "Yes, well…" _Haven't we heard that word before?_

Then she turned to her husband. "I think the only thing that might have surprised me more would be to discover that you were once a woman."

Elliot had to swallow a chuckle. "Sure… in the first twelve years of my life before you knew me!"

Somehow that broke the spell. Kathy giggled and Elliot could not help but join her. The doctor was forgotten.

"Someone you already knew?" she queried.

Elliot was uncomfortable with that question. "He's an acquaintance."

"Will you see him again?"

"No," he said without hesitation. "At least not to do… that. Maybe I'll run into him at McGinty's if we go for drinks after work, but that would be all."

Silence fell again.

"So he's a cop," she mused.

"Yes."

Once more awkward silence filled the space between them.

"Do you know why you did it?" Kathy finally wanted to know.

Elliot frowned at her. That was one thing he had thought about over and over again and he could not tell her more than what he already had tried to explain.

"Right at that moment it seemed to be the right decision. We just… reacted to each other… and then we did it."

"Okay. But _why_ did you do it?" Kathy insisted to know.

"I don't know. Maybe… because he could not be dangerous. He could never compete, no, compare with you. It meant nothing."

Then his features crumbled and tears welled in his eyes.

"It happened… just a few days… after I gave you the s..s..signed… papers," he stuttered. "I felt so… lonely, so… lost." He swallowed. His voice was barely audible when he added, "He made me feel wanted and desired…"

Now tears were standing in Kathy's eyes, too.

"I hadn't…" he blushed dark crimson, "hadn't felt like that… for months. I was… kind of… starving…"

Her index finger over his lips stopped him.

"Don't," she whispered.

A sudden surge of guilt washed over her. She knew she was responsible, at least partially. Keeping her distance and starting the divorce procedure she had tried to force him to realize that he needed to work on their marriage. All she wanted was for him to come and talk with her, spend time with her… make love to her. He could have had what he desired without running into another person's arms, but she had given him the wrong signals.

Now his trembling lips seemed to burn her fingertip and the look in his sapphire eyes burnt her from the inside out and sent icy chills down her back at the same time. Neither Kathy nor Elliot had any idea when they had looked at each other like that for the last time but both knew that they would do way more than looking after that look.

Then Kathy bent forward and kissed him, tentatively at first then desperately… desperate to take his pain away.

As desperately as she was trying to ease his misery he was responding to her. If it would not have been for Dr. Beatty he could have caved and taken her right in the doctor's office. In his mind's eye he saw themselves on the couch in the corner or right on the doctor's desk. Judging by the heat her kiss transported she harbored similar thoughts. Readily he opened himself to her, rejoicing in the passion he felt flow through her kiss into him. It took one hell of a lot of restraint to leave it at kissing.

When they finally parted both their cheeks were reddened with the heat of excitement and Kathy's blond hair was as ruffled as his shirt was disheveled.

All the time Dr. Beatty was sitting behind her desk, watching the couple and guessing what would happen next. She saw them discuss and kiss and knew that their session almost was over.

"What now?" Kathy suddenly turned to her.

"Well," the doctor started, "Is there something you want to talk about while you're still here so that I could give advice if necessary?"

Kathy and Elliot looked at each other again, thinking about what they had learned and shared during the last minutes. Both came to the conclusion that they did not want to talk anymore. At least for now they were beyond talking.

"I don't think so," Elliot finally said.

Kathy took a little longer, unsure about her decision.

"Actually there's something I would like to talk about."

It was all Elliot could do not to groan with frustration. He was fed up with talking, at least the supported talk here with Dr. Beatty.

"What about?" he asked before the counselor could beat him to it.

"The papers," Kathy said, looking crestfallen. "I… I shouldn't have lied to you."

"That's okay," Elliot said.

Kathy's eyes widened with astonishment. How could he just shrug that off? A few minutes ago he confessed to her that he had a one-night stand with a man because he was left devastated by her turning in the divorce papers and now he simply shook off the fact that she lied to him about turning in the documents.

"Me keeping the papers for months without signing them was unfair towards you. I have no right to judge you for having scruples or being insecure, or whatever reason you had."

_God! Someone has switched my husband!_

"I trust you," Elliot said. "I love you. I don't need to know more."

_That's true,_ Kathy thought. One more look into his sapphire eyes made her melt.

"Let's go home," she murmured.

Nodding Elliot got up and held out his hand for her. Taking it she stood, too, and let herself be led out of the office and to their car. Suddenly she could not wait to get home with him.

tbc…


	14. Discovery

**Strange Attraction**

by RoadrunnerGER

_Disclaimer_: Don't own them, not one of them. Lucky Dick Wolf. :D

A/N: Thank you for the reviews. I'm so glad that I could make it work. Mike's not back yet, but he will be, promised. :D Enjoy.

**Ch 14**

**Discovery**

On their way back home it was hard for Kathy to remain under control. This single kiss in the doctor's office had made her hot. She could not remember when she last had desired Elliot so much.

While she sat in the passenger seat, silent, only occasionally making a remark, she thought about his confession. Sure, she had noticed certain changes in him, but she had believed the sessions with Dr. Beatty to be the reason. Now they rode home without exchanging more than a few words every once in a while. Awkwardly they both were trying to find something to talk about.

At least Kathy wanted to believe they were. She knew what she wanted to talk about. She wanted to know more about that fateful night, the night that had changed him so radically. But she could not do that while he was driving. At least not without causing a major accident.

When they approached their house, the windows dark, only the lamp over the front door glowing, Kathy was so glad that she had asked Maureen to take her younger siblings tonight. She had wanted to address this something that was burdening Elliot and had expected them to need more than just the session to talk about whatever it was. Now that she knew she wanted to know everything.

And she wanted him.

That night saw them sneak into their house like teenagers, all over each other the second they stepped over the threshold.

"El! Wait!" she gasped.

"I waited way too long," he mumbled, nibbling at her earlobe. "I'm such an idiot."

_Yeah, you can be,_ she thought.

"Let's talk," she said, making him groan. But he readily followed her into the kitchen where he sat down at the table while she went ahead to make coffee.

Elliot sat and watched Kathy. Every single one of her smooth movements made him want her more. He only held back because he knew that he would not stand a chance if she did not get her talk first. Kathy finished preparing the coffee machine and switched it on. Soon the first bubbling could be heard. She leaned against the kitchen counter and watched him watch her.

"Ask," he finally said.

"Ask you what?" she chuckled.

"Whatever you wanted to ask."

He looked a bit confused and she found that even more endearing. She tilted her head to the side, looking him over from head to toe. She liked what she saw. During the months of their separation he had deteriorated more and more, she knew that. Olivia had told her when she did not want to know it. She had not tried to talk her into taking him back, no, not that, but she had told her unmistakably that Elliot was suffering. Then she had not heard anything from Olivia or Elliot for some time and during one of their first sessions she had found out that he finally had hit rock bottom.

"Tell me everything," she said.

"About that night?" he mumbled, his voice hoarse. When he saw her nod he had to gulp down his embarrassment. "I don't think that you have to know the details."

"But I want to know them," she contradicted, taking a cruel pleasure in his obvious discomfort. "So spill it, El."

Suddenly his mouth went dry. He eyed her skeptically, trying to figure out if she meant what she said and concluded that she did.

So he started to talk. And he told her everything, the whole, long story, including every detail of what he had shared with Mike.

Kathy listened intently, feeling her desire grow with every word. She could not be angry with him. If nothing else this story made her want to have what Mike had had:

Elliot.

Honest.

Willing.

Unrestrained.

While he was talking she noticed that she became excited. She felt her agitation increase and dampness grow between her legs.

Then she noticed that he fell silent, looking at her out of big, sparkling blue eyes, waiting.

Shifting her position she motioned him to come over to her and when he did she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Chastely she let her lips linger on his. Elliot waited for her. When she realized that, she started to nip at his lips, smoothing her own over his mouth and teasing him into opening up to her. She felt him obey and licked over his parted lips.

His arms went around her and pulled her close. With one hand he brushed over her back while he rested the other behind her head. Drawing small circles on her back with his fingertips he moved up and down along her spine. She shivered and did the same, never releasing the kiss. On the contrary she now entered his mouth with her tongue, flicking it over his teeth and his palate. Their tongues danced around each other.

Then she drew back to gasp for breath. Elliot chuckled. She lost herself in his deep sapphire eyes and felt her knees go weak. Kathy wanted to take him right there and then on the kitchen floor. Knowing that he never had been one to experiment she wondered how she should get him up to their bedroom… or at least on the couch.

That was when he sank down on his knees, shoving her shirt up until it slid out of her jeans and exposed her belly button. His hands firmly on her waist he held on to her when he kissed this hollow.

Kathy gasped.

She felt him move upwards, shoving the shirt higher, with his hands behind her back. When he could not reach further she took it and pulled it over her head. Elliot was fumbling with the hooks of her bra.

_Hmmm… feels good,_ she thought. _How could I live without that for so long?_

A fresh breeze chilled her now freed breasts as Elliot pushed the straps from her shoulders, down her arms and threw the bra aside.

_Ooooh, she is perfect._

Taking her hips with both hands again he drew himself closer to her and breathed a featherlight kiss on her stomach. His tickling mouth made her giggle like a schoolgirl and suddenly memories washed over her. When she looked down at her husband now he seemed to be younger than before. Certainly she was betrayed by the mischievous sparks in his blue eyes… or the passion flickering in them, too. She swallowed.

And Elliot continued to caress her. Brushing his fingers over the sensitive skin on her back, he made her tense up. He felt her hand in his short cut hair. Running her fingers through the dark brown stubbles she trailed her fingers down to the base of his neck. She knew that teasing this spot would turn him into putty in her hands. Raking her fingernails through the hair in the small hollow and cupping his chin with her other hand, she bent his head back, bowed down and kissed him.

His open mouth greeted her and he reached up to entangle his hand in her blond mane, pulling her deeper into the kiss. With his left hand he squeezed her ass and made her squeak into his mouth. On his back he felt her hands go down. They grabbed for his shirt and jerked it out of his jeans. Her hands felt hot on his bare back. The fabric brushed over his body as she pulled it up, together with the undershirt. Breaking the kiss, leaving both of them gasping for air, she retreated just far enough to pull the shirt over his head. She shed it on the floor, already claiming his mouth again with fiery lips.

_Whoa!_

Elliot shuddered. Where was the top? Where was the bottom? All he could see were her blond glory and her stunning eyes. All he could feel were her hands assaulting his body. Before he knew what happened, she had brought him off balance and he fell on his back, the tiles unexpectedly cold under his heated flesh.

"Ooooooh… mmmmmmm," he moaned, reaching out for her to drag her down on top of him.

But he could not grasp her. She squatted over him, unbuttoning his pants and tearing them down. As she did not take her time to open his shoes to get rid of these, too, she could not get the pants off him. Now they were pooling around his ankles.

"Never mind," she rasped as she slipped out of her own pants and straddled him.

_Uh oh…_

Elliot knew that he was in _trouble._ When he reached out to take hold of her hair he hit a wooden leg. Surprised he realized where he was…

…halfway under the kitchen table.

"Whoa, Kathy!" he panted. "We should move a bit aside…"

"Huh?"

"You don't want to smash your head on the under side of the table, do you?"

"No, not really," she conceded and left him enough space to wriggle to the side, shuffling along with him on her knees. "Would be embarrassing to explain at the ER how I hit my head…"

That made Elliot chuckle.

"Yeah… Besides, it would hurt a lot, and that would definitely ruin the mood."

"Oh, shut up before _you_ ruin the mood!" Kathy scolded with a laugh and started to tickle him.

Struggling, kicking in attempts to free himself of the pants which trapped his legs, he wound under her. That drove her wild. She bowed down over him, holding his head with both hands and pressing her lips on his. Pushing her tongue between them she demanded entrance. He opened them for her and felt her dive deep into his mouth.

At the same time she let go of his head and her hands caught his arms instead. She brought them down on both sides of his head. Leaning on his forearms and intruding his mouth with her tongue she nailed him to the floor. Thrusting deep into him she ravaged his oral cavity.

Pleasurable moans escaped him and made their fierce kiss vibrate.

Beneath her he arched his back in a futile attempt to meet her. He could not find her body over him. Even as he rose from the ground with his hips… she was too far away for him to reach her. Still trapped he fought for breath while his heat was rising along with his manhood. In his loins he felt a strong pulling sensation and he wanted to beg her to settle down on him, but he could not get a single word out. He was lucky that he was able to breathe!

Having him writhe beneath her almost pushed Kathy over the edge already. Lowering her body, she met his thrusting hips and pushed herself down on him. Feeling him inside her made her writhe in pleasure, too. Still she had not broken the kiss and she did not intend to until she was through with him. With each of his thrusts he seemed to enter deeper.

Finally releasing his mouth and crying out loud she threw her head back. Arching her back she took him in completely. She heard him pant, saw him throw his head from side to side, eyes closed. With violent shudders he climaxed and came into her.

Collapsing over him she started to nuzzle his neck and he returned the gesture. Teasing each other with soft nibbling, his hands in her hair, her hands holding his face again, several minutes passed. Then she suddenly backed off, staring down at him with surprise.

"You didn't fall asleep!" she panted.

Elliot smirked.

"Did you expect me to?" Mischievous sparks flew from his eyes. He chuckled. "I was surprised, too."

"Don't tell me that night improved your stamina, too!" Kathy panted.

"I have no idea," he laughed, thrusting against her. "This is the first time after." His smirk grew even wider. "If you could free me from the rest of my clothes we could try and see what else is different."

"Is that a promise?" Kathy was taken aback. This was not the same man she had tried to divorce. He had been withdrawn and angry all the time. Most of his time he spent on the job and when he was at home he shut her out. It had already surprised her that he had readily told her everything about his one-night stand. Now she realized that he rediscovered his playful side. And judging the way he was still grinning at her he meant what he said.

"Yep!"

Kathy grinned back at him. She shifted herself back until she knelt beside his legs and took hold of one of his calves. Then she opened his shoe and pushed the pant's leg off.

As she did that, he lay relaxed on the tiles, folding his hands behind his head and watching her. His smile broadened again when she treated his other leg the same way.

"Thanks."

_You're awfully complacent, huh?_ Kathy thought. _At least you look like the cat who ate the canary. _Suddenly realizing something her eyes widened and she lifted his leg to put it under her armpit. She smirked.

"What's his name?" she demanded to know.

"Why's his name important?" he asked, sounding serious. "You want to _interrogate_ him, too? That's not necessary. I told you everything."

"Then why's it such a secret?" she pushed, tightening her grip on his leg and letting the fingertips of her free hand run over the hollow of his knee.

Reflexively his leg twitched. Sucking in a sharp breath Elliot propped himself up on his elbows, staring at her, stunned.

"So…?" Challengingly raising her eyebrows she attacked him again.

"No!" he panted, trying to wriggle his leg out of her iron grip. But Kathy only held on stronger, continuing to tickle him. "Kathy! No! Noooo!"

"I bet his name's not Kathy," she smirked, raking her fingernails over the sensitive spot.

Elliot writhed in her hold, desperately trying to get away from her fingers but to no avail.

"M…mike! H…his name's Mike!" he gasped.

"Mike?" she chuckled, reveling in his agony. "Mike who?"

"Logan!" Elliot cried out willingly as she scraped once more over the hollow. "Mike Logan!"

She finally released her bucking husband and he pulled up his legs, wrapping his arms around them.

"Logan…" she mused. "As in Mike Logan from Major Case? I've seen his picture in the newspaper."

"That's the one," he mumbled.

For a moment she could just stare at him with open incredulity. From what little she knew of Mike Logan, she could not imagine him together with Elliot. Okay, to be honest she could not imagine Elliot with any man, least of all in bed.

But he had done it.

"Why him?" she finally whispered, stroking his bare foot.

Elliot shrugged. He did not know what else to tell her that he had not already mentioned, but she waited for an answer and he felt he owed her an explanation.

"Opportunity?" he mumbled. "What am I supposed to say? I felt so lost, lonely. I was hurting… When we met at the bar it was destiny. He invited me to play pool and then we went to his apartment." Another shrug. "He made the first move. He showed his interest and I followed his lead."

That much she already knew from his tale. Still she had no satisfying answer.

"Can't you just let it slide?" Elliot asked. He did not sound annoyed or sad. All he wanted was leave this track and get back on the other. "He was there when I needed someone… he… relieved my pain and gave me love. It was not wrong."

"I never suggested that it was wrong." Kathy sensed that he started to retreat. Reaching out for him she caressed his shin.

"But you thought it."

His features crumbled and his tone became miserable. By the look of him Kathy could tell that he remembered something. His eyes turned darker and he averted his gaze from her.

"Maybe I did," she said. "And I guess you were brooding a lot about it, too."

"Actually I wasn't."

Kathy laughed. By the tip of his nose she could tell that he was lying.

"Okay, I did," he admitted. "But I wasn't brooding about that fact that I did it. I don't regret it. I just didn't know what I should do with those new experiences. I couldn't stop thinking about how I've changed, if it could happen again, if I'm still straight." He fell silent for a moment, still refusing to look at her. "And you weren't there… I… then you told me that you hadn't handed in the signed divorce papers…"

Kathy swallowed. _And?_

"I didn't know what to think… where to turn…" Now he glanced over at her, looking rather embarrassed.

_What can it be? It seems to bother him more than the fact that he spent a night with Logan._ Then it suddenly hit her.

"Were you talking with Olivia?" she softly asked, never stopping to caress his leg.

Finally facing her he nodded.

"She… was there for me," he admitted.

Kathy let go of his leg. Reaching out further she put one finger over his lips. Surprised she noticed that she did not mind. She was glad that he actually could talk with his partner. During their sessions she had learned that he did not deliberately hurt her when he talked with someone else about what was bothering him. She was hurt because he did not confide in her, because she felt excluded. Since they were seeing Dr. Beatty this issue became better and after tonight she did not feel excluded in any way anymore.

"I'm glad that you can trust her that far," she said. "Just don't… don't shut me out again, ever."

Elliot grimaced and choked down his emotions.

"Never," he croaked.

This time he reached out for her, gently laying his hand behind her head, entangling his fingers in her hair and pulling her closer into a soft yet passionate kiss. Leaning over he pushed her back until she lay on her back.

"Will we ever get into bed tonight?" Kathy asked when he broke the kiss to nuzzle her neck instead.

He chuckled.

"What do you want in bed?" he asked challengingly.

"Nothing we couldn't do here, too," she chuckled. "I just thought it would be more comfortable in bed."

Laughing out loud he dropped on the floor beside her.

"I guess you're right," he gasped between laughter. "So… let's head upstairs."

Kathy stood up first and stretched out her arm to pull him up, too. Standing beside her now his hands were right on her again. Elliot grinned.

"So fast and impatient," she scolded. "Come with me."

She led him to the stairs where she found herself trapped in a corner, Elliot's lips sealing her own with a passionate kiss. Kathy reveled in the feeling and returned his affection equally fervently. In his eagerness he shoved her sideways and she searched for support on the stairs. Bracing herself on different steps she met his feverish demand. She wanted him as much as he seemed to want her. So she did not struggle when he settled down over her, caressing her neck and shoulders with his kisses. He worked his way down to her belly button and from there to her very core.

"Oh, Elliot!" she cried out when a jolt of pleasure shot through her.

Together they rode on waves of bliss that crashed on a shore of contentment, and a little while later they even reached their bed.

tbc…


End file.
